March of 2016...
What I'm finding, as I go through folders and folders of pictures is that my life is pretty consistently the same. Is that redundant? I am in a stage of life that spans decades - in fact just today I was thinking about what I have termed my "mid-Mom crisis". Not your typical mid-life crisis but similar in that I am at a critical crossroads of sorts. Nothing will change but my heart. It's not a good or a bad place but it's a cross roads nonetheless. Perhaps I will be able to articulate well enough to put into words someday but for now I will get to my point. Today I was realizing that this Mom gig of kids at home, the one that I adore and love but is so very hard at the same time, will go on for some time still. It's a time that I don't wish away. I am already fearing the experience (quickly approaching) when we will send our first little birdie out of the nest and into the world. I'm not ready. I don't think I will ever feel ready. And yet if I put it into a timeline of what still lies ahead, we are not even half-way there. You see, we have been doing this parenting thing for more than 16 years, and we have at least that still ahead, since Ezra is not even two years old. That both comforts me and exhausts me. Sitting in the bleachers and cheering our sons in this vision I have, is soooo many years away. Another life time, just as that many years ago seems to us now.
I digress. Or not. I'm not really sure at this point. All I know is that looking at these pictures both makes me a little sad that nothing has changed and sad that everything keeps changing.
This was so long ago and yet it was only last year.
Jonah, obviously pleading for something. He has learned well from his sisters. I don't remember what he was asking for but looking at that face I am assuming he probably got it. He's good- that's all I'm saying.
And moments like these are what makes this crazy dynamic of our big family all worth it. Any time I feel an ounce of guilt for not having enough time for each of them every day, or not having the resource to allow them to do everything they want to do, or asking so much of them with chores, helping with siblings or the patience required on their part, I witness moments like these. This is the value of my big family. They are learning unique lessons of love, patience, service and sacrifice that can only happen in this kind of setting. Just as each and every family in the whole world has value in their own dynamic, this is ours. I am grateful for the life that my children are experiencing. I hope it shapes them into precisely what they are meant to become. I love seeing each of my children interact with their older and younger siblings. They are forging unique, precious, eternal relationships and I love it.
Every picture of Hazels horseback lessons give me a pit of guilt in my stomach. We have not gotten to a place, in our new life here in Virginia, where our kids can participate in lessons and extra things. We will get there, but not yet. These lessons were so amazing in so many ways and for so many reasons, I would give just about anything up to get her back into it right now. All of them would benefit from different activities but I am trying to have patience and find other ways to fulfill them and challenge them and give them what they need outside the walls of our home.
Beauty was Hazel's favorite and the one she rode most often. She had a habit of yawning at least 7 or 8 times every time Kerry Ann tried to put her bridle on. It made us laugh.
I was continually in awe of what Hazel was capable of. I am so proud of her and the courage she had to try new things, hard things out of her comfort zone. And Kerry Ann validated her every step of the way. That tiny little things would get up there and do whatever she challenged her to do. On this particular day it was balance and riding in two point. She did everything with ease.
Let it be documented forever more, that this is what any of their rooms look like on any given day. It drives me absolutely batty. On rare occasions I will step in and clean it for them but the consequence is that I either charge them for my cleaning fees or I get ride of whatever I want without asking first. In any case I usually take a picture because a clean room is such a novelty. I just want one clean freak. Just one.
One of these things isn't like the others...Mia has some unique features, quite unlike her sisters that we have had to learn to navigate. One is her hair. It is brilliantly and fantastically thick, full and a little course. We have been taking bets for years on what it will do when she is in the full throws of puberty-something fantastic, that's for sure. She is one beautiful young lady.
We took Mo antique shop hopping in old Tomball. I can't remember why Abby was the lucky school-skipping winner, but she was, and we had fun.
A family date night to Chill for milkshakes-it typically turns into a big round robin, saliva sharing, pass around experience.
Peace out, March '16.
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