A day.

Today brought with it many unexpected emotions.  I am tired.  Oh so tired.  Usually I try not to think about it but sometimes when I am finally sitting at my desk late at night it is hard to ignore.  Some nights, I ache from behind my eyes right down to the very core of my bones.  I am a retainer.  I retain tired until I know I can rest, I retain emotions until I can release them, I retain frustration to maintain patience.
We woke up this morning slowly.  It reaffirmed in my mind that I am ready for summer.  Ready for days like today.  Slow. Easy going.  We made our way to a small town nearby, a good ole town to watch their Memorial Day parade.  It's a big deal in their town and we had several friends marching in it.  It's not a grand affair except for the attendance.  The parade has no fancy floats or crazy costumes.  It is full of people.  People from the town.  The girl scouts, t ball teams, the historical society, the vets, the fire department, the marching bands.  The turnout for this parade is unreal.  Every group that passes gets applause from the sidelines, cheers and waves.  They handed out free American flags to everyone.  We waved them at everyone that passed. 
And you know what? I cried.  I cried behind my sunglasses.  Lots of times. 
People make me happy.  I wasn't expecting to be so moved by this holiday today.  But I was.  I cried at the cars carrying old men in uniforms, winking and waving at my daughters.  I cried at the fire department, men (representing the men in our own town of course) that have come to the aid of my family not once but twice in the last 6 weeks.  And I was grateful for the sort of person that chooses to do that.
The girls were wearing their little dog tags with Clark's picture on them around their necks today.  They stood there waving their American flags and smiling at the people passing by.  Every branch of the military was represented today, old and young.  I love people that serve.  Wave after wave of emotion hit me as I was grateful for people that serve.  And for the first time I felt justified in lumping Clark in there.  I honored him today among those people.  I missed him and longed for him to be a part of our happy, fun day.  But I was also proud of him, really really proud of him.

These people in the military, to many, and I would venture to say most, it is not just a job.  It is deep seeded patriotism.  The have feelings and emotions for what they do.  And they sacrifice, sometimes way more than what we can comprehend.  It's hard from this side.  Especially when we don't have communication he feels almost dead.  But I look around me and I have my family, and I have the girls, and I have church.  He sacrifices having all of those things to provide for his family, and to be active in a cause that he would die for.  I am grateful for this experience because I know I get him back.  I know that at the end of this separation I will have him back here with us, in our home and in our arms.  That is something that this experience has provided, the assurance that his presence will never be taken for granted, not ever.  So today has been an emotional day.  In a good way. 
It has made me more contemplative, more reflective and more grateful than I already was.

Tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary.  He has missed many and so they have often come and gone without a lot of fanfare.  Which is OK, I don't begrudge that.  But this feels like a monumental one to me.  10 years.  That's a lot of time and still not nearly enough.  Not even close.
Happy Memorial Day.  And Thank You to all those that serve, Thank You from the deepest part of my existence.
And to my husband of 10 years, I love you more than I could ever even hope to be able to express.

I have enjoyed this presentation of pictures this week, so touching.
And appreciated this new bit of knowledge too.

Thank you, please come again.

Have I told the world how much I love my siblings already? Let me tell you again.  They are so easy to be with.  They are loving and compassionate, creative and hilarious.  They are so fun and the most amazing people in the whole world.  I respect each and every one of them.  They are incredible individuals who do difficult things and excel, all the while serving and caring for others.  To say it is a treat when they visit would be a gross understatement.
Carrie cuddled little girls, loved, jumped on the trampoline to their little girl hearts' content, cuddled girls some more, cooked me amazing food (probably my favorite, having someone else cook food in my own house without me doing any work was the most luxurious feeling ever),  she took care of kids, she bathed, she dressed them and welcomed them home from school with Auntie love, she entertained, we crafted, we watched funny shows and occasionally ate nachos for dinner.  Did I also mention how talented she is in the wardrobe department? In one shopping trip I was completely outfitted for my trip to the upcoming wedding down to the shoes so quickly we even had time for lunch.  Then she sat on my bed one afternoon while I literally tried on everything in my closet so she could tell me "yes" "no" or "put away until further notice".  I feel better already. 
Carrie and I were roommates for most of my time at college.  I like her. a lot.
My kids called her "Mom" for two weeks and I was referred to as Grandma...with no permanent damage to my psyche.  We took her to some of our favorite places and ate ice cream as many days as possible.

 We sat and made headbands almost every night...a project that she just made up.  They are so adorable that my kids have been wearing them every day...I may never be able to give any of them away.  By the end it became kind of a compulsion.  We couldn't stop.

This is her sweat shop face.

Just Carrie and I went out for pedicures and dinner on her last night.  She treated me to a delicious steak that apparently, I didn't like one bit.

Oh Carrie, come back.


On a side note, did you know that today Connecticut had the hottest temperature anywhere in the US? We hit 99 degrees up in Hartford, the hottest temperature here in Connecticut since August of 2006.  Just thought you might want to know...and the A/C is out in my car....AND I locked the keys in the running car with a sleeping baby while picking Mia and another child up from preschool AND had the fire department save my skin a second time in two months.  The kids thought it was pretty cool.

Good Busy.

I am always a little sorry to not be keeping up...but we have been busy with a certain Auntie in town...soaking it up, loving the company and having fun.

Later.

Look, I can be just as feminist as any good 'ole gal, but mark my words folks, women on submarines is a bad, bad idea.

Mother's Day Report 2010

Husband gone for second Mother's Day in a row.

No expectations whatsoever.

A very happy day. (Turns out that having no expectations is a very successful way to start.)

Sleeping in until 7:45.

Breakfast in bed by the sweetest, most thoughtful children ever.

Two waffles, syrup and juice...

 make that one waffle.

Cards of love, galore.

Happy, sweet children for most of the day.

Favorite moment of the day, besides being served breakfast in bed was in the afternoon when I was standing in the kitchen.  Haley, without intent to be recognized, walked over to the sink and started loading the dishwasher.  She turned on the water, picked up some silverware, started scrubbing, looked at the faucet, turned off the water and kept scrubbing.  It warmed my little heart to see her thoughtful, considerate and Earth loving conservationist little self serve me.  So I told her so, right then.

And the award for best compliment this year goes to Miss Abigail and her potted marigold.  I just wasn't quite sure what she meant so I had her come read it to me.  What she very clearly meant to say of course is that "she is very important to me".  Impotent (INpotent being of course it's origin of Late English via Old French from Latin for in - 'not' potent...according my my desk dictionary) and important, I get those two confused all the time.

Thank you children for making me a mother.  I am grateful for it even on the roughest of days.  I love being a mother and I am truly, truly thankful for the most amazing daughters ever.

And let it not go unsaid that I also have the most amazing motherS in my life as well.  I could go back generations and have this be a true statement.  But I will never take for granted that my husband and I both have the most wonderful, loving, caring, selfless, smart, determined, talented, stalwart and beautiful mothers.  Our lives wouldn't be as rich with joy, guidance, comfort and blessings if we didn't have these women.

I can't be certain but I'm pretty sure that I suck at shopping.

My lovely brother in law called today to offer me a night out by myself -- after unintentionally insulting him at the prospect that someone (namely a woman) put that thought into his head, I enthusiastically accepted.  Turns out it really was his genius idea.  You see, I decided a couple of days ago that I was going to buy myself a Mother's Day present.  Going shopping for a new outfit to wear to "said brother in law's" upcoming wedding seemed the perfect "focus" for my little shopping excursion/night out.  CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UPCOMING WEDDING BRO! I AM SO EXCITED! Anyway.  This is how the night went down.  I took myself to dinner, ate a salad and read my book in blissful peace and quiet.  I didn't have to pick any food up off the floor or  take anyone to the restroom.  Then I took myself to get ice cream.  I enjoyed every bite and didn't share a bit.  Then I spent three, three hours walking the mall and looking everywhere for anything that I felt remotely like buying.  Typically this is not a problem but tonight, with money specifically allocated for this very purpose, I came up with nothing.
But I did come to some specific conclusions.
1. I am sure that prostitution is illegal in Connecticut and yet I now know where they would buy their clothes if it wasn't.
2. I am way out of the fashion loop.  I went into a store where I couldn't even tell how to wear the clothes.  Is it a dress? a skirt? a shirt? I was too confused to even try anything on.
3. I'm pretty sure there are stores in the mall that card you when you try to enter ensuring that no one born before 1994 shops there.
4. Ann Taylor Loft is a quiet place on a Saturday night in the mall.
5. I am definitely older than I used to be.
However, the night was not a complete loss.  I came home with one new bra (actually a depressing activity and not as fun as buying something new should be) and a pork roast for dinner tomorrow.
Shopping just isn't as fun as it used to be...or I've just gotten a lot worse at it.
Sorry Mo, for using the word suck. 

Post 400...now ain't that special?

It is time to highlight a couple of very special ladies tonight.  The Abby's celebrate birthdays on that blessed first day of May each year.  I not-so-cleverly just tried to hack into my sister's blog to brag about her appropriately but it turns out my memory is as bad as I assumed it was...at least I think it is...can't remember.
Anyway, Happy Birthday Big Abby.  You are beautiful, amazing and wonderful.  You are fun and compassionate and talented.  You are capable, determined and good.  And we love you.

I am the luckiest girl in the world.  My sisters are amazing.  Every last one of them.

And so it is no coincidence that I have a daughter named Abby with the same birthday.  I mean, it is a coincidence for the fact that I didn't plan her conception to initiate a birth on that particular day just to use the name etc ect, BUT it did work out rather nicely in the end.  Here's the deal.  I loved the name Abigail/Abby, I happen to have a baby on May 1st, how could I go wrong?

Abby was not an easy birth.  She was an emergency C-section.  My only C-section.  But the moment I saw those dimples, all was well.  She brings a sweet peace to our family...a feeling of happiness and comfort.  She still makes me feel as though all is well.  She has her Dad's charisma.  She is friendly and polite and funny, my goodness is she funny.  She is good down to the core.  She is a people person all the way.  If she could be attached to you at the hip, she would.  She loves to cuddle and she loves to be happy.  She is brave and smart.  She is a free spirit, an easy going breath of fresh air.  And I love her.

Even though it was a Saturday, I gave in to not sleeping in because she was threatening to explode, she was so excited to open presents.  We brought her breakfast in bed and gathered around to watch the best reactions ever to gift opening.  She acts like every single gift is what she has desires most in life.  It is very satisfying.  (Hazel was a little less enthusiastic about this part of the day.)

That night, a friend was kind enough to watch the rest of the girls so that Abby and I could go out on a little Mommy/Abby date.  We went to the mall to exchange some shoes that she had gotten, and to spend some birthday money.

Then we went to see How To Train Your Dragon (I may just be hard pressed for a good movie but I LOVED it.  I may or may not have even cried a little at the end.  I guess Vikings have that effect on me.  Go see it.  End of movie plug.)  We had to run one more quick errand after that and it may have been my most favorite part of the evening.  It is not often that I get one on one time with Abby and it is so pleasant.

I need those opportunities to be reminded "why" on so many levels.  Does that make sense? I am grateful for my family, and the togetherness dynamic is amazing and necessary, but we need to be reminded sometimes that our children are individuals, powerful, unique and indescribeably special individuals that we love more than words can describe.  Even after I picked up all the kids and we sat in the driveway I looked at each one of them and felt awed by them.  And that was a good thing.
And then Hazel barfed, repeatedly.  But let's not ruin a good story.  I got my "moment" in there before the puke arrived.
And that made my day perfect.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABS!  I am grateful for you even though 7 seems just far too old.
I may just need to point out as well that those silly teeth that she got out of a vending machine at the mall are hilarious because it is exactly how her real teeth look right now.