I have found over the years that holidays take on a very different feel when Clark is not here. In particular holidays where I would otherwise expect to be adored and pampered. The girls do a pretty good job trying to make up for his absence, and Clark was so on top of things he ordered something before he left that arrived in the mail a few days ago. I love it. It may just be one of my favorite gifts ever partly because he made the effort to go on my Pinterest board and find something I had pinned that I liked.
But back to why a day like today is different. Last night I was feeling nostalgic about motherhood and thinking a lot about the actual "being a mother" part of the holiday instead of how my family was going to love and adore me today. However, when my alarm went off this morning I was also a realist, knowing that sometimes things just are as they are. I had to get up and shower, and get five kids ready for church. And honestly speaking, it was kind of a rotten day. There were highlights of course but all in all it was full of bickering and nagging. You can't win 'em all, I recognize that and it's not even all that discouraging. And you know what the best part is? I can still love being a mother. I can still be grateful for the opportunity of being here for them every single day. I have written lovely things about motherhood before, but tonight I am far too tired and much too drained to articulate much more than this. I love my children. I feel tremendous purpose in what I do. I recognize that it is hard, really really hard but that it is worth every tug, tear and trial of patience and faith.
I have become a mother ONCE,
TWICE,
THREE TIMES,
FOUR,
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I will admit that I am a little addicted to the experience. There is nothing like it in the whole entire world. It is a miracle experienced in the twinkle of an eye, to hold a baby so fresh from somewhere else. It is heaven. And even though, ironically enough, I don't care for noise or messes, I love having my home full of my family.
I hope I am learning everything that I am supposed to. I mess up a lot. But I am trying. I want my kids to remember me loving them, and always doing what I could to show them that. The other day Haley was making a request for a friend of hers to do a drawing of our family (a girl that has tremendous artistic talent!) and the way she wanted me drawn was tired with messy hair. I sure hope I am remembered a little differently than that as they get older and a little farther from "that time" of my mothering when I was so tired and stretched thin.
There is no way that I could do it without this man. I am so tremendously grateful to be married to someone that loves his family so much. That wants to be a good husband and father. That wants to be present, that wants to be involved, that loves us fiercely.
To every thing there is a season and I will enjoy it, and love it, and embrace it.
The girls were schizophrenic today. One minute they were being crazy and mean to one another, and the next they were leaving me notes and doing scavenger hunts and being cuddly. Haley even made a slide show on the computer. I loved it. I will have to figure out a way to post it because it was so sweet. They are kids. And they were struggling today and I get that. But we ate a yummy dinner and went for a walk and even though they had me wanting to pull my hair out by bedtime, they were tucked in with kisses and a song.
Sweet girls.
Do you see my mother levitating in a field? It's one of my favorite pictures ever taken of her. Just out there, in a field, levitating.
It helps that I come from an incredible family. I love my parents. They are good parents. And I love my siblings. I love my in laws. I am just incredibly blessed.
In keeping with this year's lackluster energy, my gift to my own mother was lame with a capital L. I sent her a jpeg and basically told her that if she wanted it she had to print it out and frame it herself.
But it's a true statement.
I always think of calling my parents first.
And my Mo is indeed, wonderful.
So here's to tomorrow. May I be a little more loving, a little more understanding and a little more patient than I was today. And even a little better the day after that.
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
But back to why a day like today is different. Last night I was feeling nostalgic about motherhood and thinking a lot about the actual "being a mother" part of the holiday instead of how my family was going to love and adore me today. However, when my alarm went off this morning I was also a realist, knowing that sometimes things just are as they are. I had to get up and shower, and get five kids ready for church. And honestly speaking, it was kind of a rotten day. There were highlights of course but all in all it was full of bickering and nagging. You can't win 'em all, I recognize that and it's not even all that discouraging. And you know what the best part is? I can still love being a mother. I can still be grateful for the opportunity of being here for them every single day. I have written lovely things about motherhood before, but tonight I am far too tired and much too drained to articulate much more than this. I love my children. I feel tremendous purpose in what I do. I recognize that it is hard, really really hard but that it is worth every tug, tear and trial of patience and faith.
I have become a mother ONCE,
AND THEN FIVE.
I hope I am learning everything that I am supposed to. I mess up a lot. But I am trying. I want my kids to remember me loving them, and always doing what I could to show them that. The other day Haley was making a request for a friend of hers to do a drawing of our family (a girl that has tremendous artistic talent!) and the way she wanted me drawn was tired with messy hair. I sure hope I am remembered a little differently than that as they get older and a little farther from "that time" of my mothering when I was so tired and stretched thin.
There is no way that I could do it without this man. I am so tremendously grateful to be married to someone that loves his family so much. That wants to be a good husband and father. That wants to be present, that wants to be involved, that loves us fiercely.
It helps that I come from an incredible family. I love my parents. They are good parents. And I love my siblings. I love my in laws. I am just incredibly blessed.
In keeping with this year's lackluster energy, my gift to my own mother was lame with a capital L. I sent her a jpeg and basically told her that if she wanted it she had to print it out and frame it herself.
But it's a true statement.
I always think of calling my parents first.
And my Mo is indeed, wonderful.
So here's to tomorrow. May I be a little more loving, a little more understanding and a little more patient than I was today. And even a little better the day after that.
Happy Mother's Day everyone!
