A slap on me own hand.

I have written this post a hundred times in my head but never gone through with the publish.  I am too afraid that it will be "one of those posts" where I sound mean and full of complaint.  I don't want it to be a bash session on someone else.  I just wanted to share an experience that I have had and a few "Aha" moments along it's way.
I had a friend.  She was very kind when I was new to an area and was quick to spend time with me which I appreciated.  However, over time I felt increasingly uncomfortable with how I felt after hanging out with her and her children.  I felt conflicted and contentious and irritated by things that she said or did.  It was nothing in your face, but all something I couldn't quite put my finger on at first.  She was just contrary.  I came to find that we differed on our opinions on just about every single thing that came up. Her blog is even more heavily loaded with subtle, passive aggressive comments on people and what they do.  I felt she truly had a lack of respect for people-perhaps because she feels so attacked by their disapproval of her own choices.  And so not so slowly, I'm afraid, I backed off on our interactions.
The most awkward part about it is that it was simultaneously happening with several others as well so it appeared as though we were ganging up on her.  That some kind of clique was choosing to exclude her but that wasn't it at all.  She simply couldn't recognize that her actions, words and attitude were driving people away.
It was a difficult decision.  To end a friendship because I felt it's what was best for me and my family.  I find myself reminding my daughters of the importance of choosing their friends.  A real friend should be a positive force in your life.  They should leave you feeling uplifted, not depleted.  They should make you feel better about yourself.  Occasionally the right thing to do is be a friend to someone who needs it, but sometimes the right thing to do is to just walk away.  I have been tempted many times along the way to just tell her - to be obvious with the reasons why people choose to walk away.  But I have realized that first of all, she would not be receptive, and secondly, it would seem contentious as well.  It is not my job to do so.  This was one of those situations where the I had to make the best choice for me and my family.  And even though it caused sour feelings on the other end, it was good for us.  I was not cruel.  I was not hurtful but I feel sad that she perceived it as such.
Even though we have moved and I am not confronted with being near her anymore, I continued to read her blog from time to time which I found was a mistake.  After I had cut off my interaction with her I succumbed to a curiosity to still expose myself to those things about her that I found so confusing and contradictory.  In short, I went looking for reasons to confirm why I had stopped being her friend.  And that was wrong.  Because in doing so, I was continuing to invite feelings of contention into my life.  So for the third time, I have removed her blog from my reading list, for the last time.  I would read things on her blog, those subtle but cutting remarks and generalizations that she makes about others and I would feel such anger and frustration at her insults.  This weekend she made a comment about how she and a friend sat and talked about how women lie on their blogs to paint a picture of their perfect lives.  And suddenly, I felt sorry for her.  I realized how disconnected she is from people and their motives.  I felt sorry that she has given up trying to understand other people or even respect their knowledge and experience.  There is a lack of respect and reverence for other women and their choices.  And I realized that why I felt the most sorry for her was that she will continue to drive people away, without even knowing why.  It will just feel like the world is always against her.  And that is tragic.  I realized months ago, while in the throws of conflict with ending the friendship that one thing that I could do was pray.  After praying about the situation initially, I had the thought come into my head about praying for one's enemies.  I didn't see her as an enemy but realized that even though I was hurt and offended by her, I could pray for her and her family.  I could pray to feel a release from the frustration of insults she didn't realize she was throwing.  And it helped.  But by going to read her blog again and again I was revisiting the problem.  It is time to walk away again and not allow it to influence me any more.
I respect her right to make the choices that she does.  I respect her right to do what she feels is best for her family.  I hope she can find peace and happiness in what she does.
And now I can move on and not look back, hopefully a little wiser, a little more wary where I feel warning in the future, with a little more love and compassion in my own heart.

So here's the deal. I can't really swim that well.

Hazel.  My ever trusty errand buddy. Who sometimes won't get out of the car until I hand her a pair of "baby glasses".

 This morning we woke up to snow, and a two hour delay.  The reason that this is especially depressing is because last week it got up into the 70's a couple of times.  I know how this works.  We get a tease of Spring and then one more good bout of Winter comes back before Spring comes to stay. I am just so dagum sick of being cold.

 I love that Hazel thinks she can ride a two wheeler no matter how many times she rolls down the slope of the driveway and tips over in the muddy yard.

The swing continues to bring great joy...and mud into the house.

 This is Clark diligently finishing Abby's 100th day of school project.  I thought "what a cute idea, we'll do 100 paper flowers in a vase".  I am so glad that Clark was the one to carry it out with Abby...and then by himself after she was finally sent to bed.  He did a tremendous job.

 Then last weekend we took the girls to the Ice Capades.  It was the first time we have ever done anything like this but a month or so ago I came across a really great deal on tickets so we went for it.  It was between Disney Princesses on Ice and seeing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir preform at Wolftrap.  Bringing kids into the equation really ruined that one for me and Clark but the girls had so much fun it was worth it.  We went with those darling friends of ours from the neighborhood.  We did dinner and a show and it was a lot of fun.

 Clark was thrilled to be there.

No, I kid.  I kept looking over at him and this group of 2 women, 5 girls and one other boy and thought many times "I love this man."

 The show wasn't half bad.  There were flips and fire and a group of 20 somethings behind us that were giggling like our daughters and singing along with the princesses.

These two, especially, made it totally worth it.  I could have just sat and watched them.  They were so happy and excited about everything that happened.

And now we are back to stuff.  Stuff is good.  Stuff is fun.  Stuff keeps me busy and I like that.  Let me share some of the stuff of this week.  Just the highlights, mind you.

-I finally made it to the pool.  Which is a good thing because my triathlon is in less than 6 weeks I cannot remember a time in my life where I have swam a lap in a pool.  I was beginning to have anxiety dreams about drowning and running around looking for the pool.  But I went, and Clark went with me to tell me how to swim.  Good news is, I didn't drown.  Bad news is, I stink.  I cannot, for the life of me, get the breathing-while-swimming thing down.  Breathing while in the pool makes me panicky.  Can I swim with a snorkel, I wonder?  Either that or I had better start practicing holding my breath for 10 minutes.

-I rediscovered the cinnamon cream cheese brownies in the fridge this morning that were put there a few days ago.  Clark called mid afternoon to tell me to throw them away before he got home.  Good news, didn't have to.  I had already eaten three before lunch.  One of those brownies made my two mile run this morning possible.  Nothing like a sugar high to make it through a workout.
-I waxed my husband's back last night.  He told me I could tell you.  Just thought I would mention it.  It was an experience I never anticipated having.  I would like to thank Clark for making it possible.
-I downloaded two Justin Beiber songs today.  I'm not saying that I am going to wear a shirt with his face on it ('wink wink' Sadie) but I like a couple of his songs.  So sue me.
-I am making Haley a colonial dress for her big school Colonial day next week.  At least I have all the pieces cut out.  I decided to blog tonight instead of working on it.  That means I have to endure yet another day of her asking, "Is it done?"  It's going to be one wing-dinger of a dress up when I am done.
-I also have three baskets of laundry to fold.  Just thought I would throw that in there too.
-I am cold.
Then End.

Not bugged anymore....Moving on to looking back.

Our lovely friends came into town this last weekend.  And since our husbands are so awesome (and know, most of the time, precisely what their wives need and when) planned an entire Saturday of lovely activities.  The day started with a run (not exactly part of the formula for one of my "perfect days" but I was glad and grateful to be able to 1)run outside and not freeze my bataco off and 2)run with a friend instead of the treadmill drone of 30 other machines.) So the boys went running around the lake, then the girls went running around the lake.  I ran the farthest I have run in a while.  Pat me on the back.
Then we took our sweet little time getting ready for our big date.  It was kind of like prom except that since I have been married for 11 years I didn't shave my legs.  Poor Clark.  I never said he was the luckiest man ever, I just said he was awesome.  I did however wear deodorant and makeup and did my hair and all that other special stuff.  I felt somewhat gussied which is good and fun every once in a while.  What I loved the most is that the boys did not tell us one thing.  (That's not to say that the wives didn't know somewhat, what was going on....we both happen to be snoopy and suspicious and therefore knew a tad more than we were supposed to....but our husbands are smart and they knew that we knew more than we were supposed to know.) Regardless, it was a lovely surprise and very wonderful that I didn't have to make one single decision about the whole day.
We got the babysitter situated and were on our way.  We were met by amazing bouquets of flowers in the car.  We drove to the nearest Metro and made our way into downtown where our first stop was the National Gallery of Art.  Did you know that the Smithsonian has the only painting by DaVinci in the Western Hemisphere? It's true.  We were schedule to be a part of a tour but when we arrived and found out that our docent had something akin to bronchitis and could barely be heard between throat clearing and hoarse whispers about medieval art, we passed on the tour and decided to do our own thing.

 This is me taking a picture of the men waxing prophetic about the art and me wondering when one of the security guards is going to yell at them for being too close to the art.  We must have heard 5 different people get in trouble...."Give her room to breathe, son!"

(This picture is for Mo...don't you have that print somewhere? I never realized she was standing on a bear skin rug.  Kinda ruined the picture for me, just a little.)

 Then they took us to a fancy French restaurant where I ate Dover Sole.  I am such a grown up.  I order fish at restaurants.  We ate fish and racks of lamb and salmon in puff pastry.  We ordered chocolate souffle and tried to restrain ourselves from drinking the vanilla cream sauce out of its little silver gravy boat. Clark ordered a girly dessert.  And it was yummy too.

 Then we walked along the Potomac to the Kennedy Center where the men had gotten us tickets to the National Symphony Orchestra.  They had completed the night with three of my favorite things ever (doing them without kids makes them all significantly better and more enjoyable...though I love my children dearly, just not so much at places like that.) 

I LOVE going to art museums.  I LOVE eating out.  I LOVE listening to classical music live.

 It was a perfectly lovely date.

 And I had never been to the Kennedy Center before.  I can't wait to go again.

 I also like to watch my husband on the Metro.  He is too cool for school.

Thank you for an amazing date.

My Valentine is the best.

grr.

I am seriously bugged.  Before I can post anything about anything I HAVE to change my background.  I did a customized background last time and now, no matter what I do I cannot get it off.  I am more than slightly perturbed at this.
Irritated with blogger until further notice.

Pre-going to bed conversation of an almost 11-year married couple #2,397,437.

Setting: after midnight.  Two tired parents who stayed up too late watching a movie are dragging themselves to bed.  They arrive at their bedroom, where upon the bed lies clean, folded laundry.
The Wife, seeing her things on the bed, grabs them and spends 10.4 seconds putting it away in the dresser where they go.  The Husband, upon seeing his own stack to be put away in the dresser, proceeds to set his stack on the floor, directly in front of the dresser.

WIFE: Hon, do you mind just putting the stuff away real quick? (In her defense, he took a week and a half to unpack from his last trip leaving piles of things both in the bedroom and closet.)
HUSBAND: Do you mind if I just do it tomorrow?
WIFE: It will just take a second.
HUSBAND: I will do it tomorrow.
WIFE: OK, let's make a little wager.  If you do not actually do it tomorrow, then let's say...you have to put the kids to bed by yourself for the next three nights [that you are home].
HUSBAND: What happens if I do put them away?
WIFE: (thinks for a minute) OK I got it, (sighing with a snarky look of sarcastic compliance) I will do all your laundry and fold it for you for the next 40 years.
HUSBAND: [silence]

Clothes: still on the floor in front of the dresser. I can't wait until we hit the 24 hour mark so I can collect on my prize.

POST EDIT: Since I am a nice wife [this week] I let my husband approve of this post before publishing it...in doing so, he was reminded about aforementioned clothes on the floor and he put them away, dissolving our agreement.  Oh well.  Sometimes a little public attention goes a long way to getting things done.

Butterflies as documented by my dying camera...

 So it turns out that I am not that bad a photographer after all....my camera is just dying.  Swell.

One of my goals since moving to the greater DC area is to become a "local".  I pride myself in finding a quick niche when we move to a new place.  I like to have my favorite places to visit, obscure finds that we love to frequent.  In Connecticut, it was places like the Cider Mill and Kitchen Little on the banks of the river in Mystic for breakfast.  Here, I want to know the museums like the back of my hand.  I want to know what days to go, where to park and what to see.

So when I found out that the butterfly exhibit at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History was free on Tuesdays, we hopped on it (remember, teacher work day?) Weekdays are always the best to go downtown anyway.  We have half days every Monday and have taken frequent advantage of those less busy afternoons to wander to our little hearts delight.

By the way, in case you couldn't tell, there is a butterfly on my head.

 What I love about this is two-fold. First, we live so close to downtown that we can come even for a short amount of time and there is no pressure to have to see everything.  We can come for a whole day, or just an hour and it is totally worth it.  Secondly, each time we come we have found something interesting and fun, and pertinent! A few weeks ago we visited the American Heritage Museum just as Abby and Haley were starting units at school about Native Americans.  And this week, we just happen to stumble upon an entire exhibit about vertebrates, that Abby just had a test on last week.  They get excited and engaged and it makes it even more interesting for them.  They ask lots of questions.  I love to watch them wander and observe where their train of thoughts and curiosities lead them.

 I also love that the majority of these museums are FREE! We have wanted to see the butterfly exhibit for a while but it is one exhibit within the museum that costs money.  So not only was Tuesday free, but the entire museum was the most empty we have ever seen it.

Poor Abby waited and waited for a butterfly to land on her.

 I love that Hazel begs for her green skirt and boots everyday.  The butterflies rather liked her skirt too.  She had several land on her repeatedly, but only blue ones.

This one steadily made it's way up her body.  She liked it at first....

 but not so much by the time it got to her neck.

(blurry picture=dying camera)

Mia also had a hitchhiker. (crazy lines on picture=dying camera...do you see a pattern here?)

 The messy hair, unfortunately, has nothing to do with the dying camera.

 From the butterfly exhibit we wandered through the hall of insects...could have done without that.  Who really wants to be that close to live centipedes, millipedes and scorpions?  Not me.  Not really.

Then ironically enough (after our little recent visit to the gory museum of death on Monday) we stumbled upon another forensics exhibit.  This one was actually really fascinating though because it focused on the research done on early Colonial America.  The girls were surprisingly captivated by the skeletons and all the stories that we can learn about the people from studying their teeth and bones.  Moral of this visit? Brush and floss, people.  Brush and floss unless you want to die.

We always have to walk through the gem and mineral hall less Haley has a conniption.  We like to look at the precious gems and decide which ones are our favorites.  Then we wander through the minerals and roll our eyes and sigh loudly a lot so Haley will hurry it up a little.

And now I leave you with my final thought.  The Hope Diamond has been put in a new setting.  I think it is tacky looking.  But that's just me.