Second verse, same as first...or something like that.

How did Pinky and the Brain start?..."what are we going to do today...same thing as every day: Try to take over the world."  In reality, most days feel more like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.  In any case I chuckle a little when I talk to anyone and they ask how we are doing because I want to reply, we are probably doing exactly what you are doing and feeling exactly how you are feeling.
In fact, it is rare if not impossible to talk to anyone and not discuss COVID-19 and the current situation.  It usually ends with both people agreeing that everything is just kind of weird right now.

Never has there been a time where I felt so much contradiction in such a short amount of time.  We have more time than ever but so many things to worry about.  Nowhere to go but so much demand on my time here at home. Stay safe and don't go out but make sure you shop and support small businesses.  Don't worry, everything is going to be fine but freak out just enough to keep everyone healthy.  Things are getting better but they are also the worst we have seen so far.  It's like the world just can't really make up its mind right now.

In reality I feel pretty calm about the illness itself - I have been blessed with big picture perspective in a lot of things that allows me to be at peace with how things will work out for better or worse.  It's the day to day that gets to me most of the time.  Grocery shopping (while it's never been especially fun) has become even more unpleasant than it ever was.  And yet I feel like I should be skipping to get out of the house and have a little change of scenery.

I don't watch a lot of news but each day I check out headlines, maybe read a little and have been listening to a daily podcast that is only about 12 minutes long and covers all the highlights of the important daily updates.  This week has felt especially frustrating because we are back to blaming a lot of people for doing or not doing what people expect.  The truth is, no matter what study has been done or who is talking, everyone has only a slice of the pie and no information is all inclusive or accurately conclusive.  My feelings at this point are this:  I believe the theory out there that this virus has actually been in the US a lot longer than they originally thought.  I know SO MANY people who were really sick with these symptoms in December, January and February, my family included.  When I was in Utah in January I took Haley to an urgent care because she felt so awful but she tested negative for flu and strep.  A couple of weeks later she was so sick again that she actually moved to my sisters house for a few days to have someone else help take care of her.  In February I had an illness that came and went for several weeks and I still have a residual cough from time to time.  Clark was also really sick around Christmas, and so many more.  The limited testing doesn't allow us to see how many people actually have this, who HAS had it and who is a carrier or immune to it's severity.  We may never know which makes trying to get back to any kind of normal near impossible without just making a lot of guesses.  So that's where we are on that.

What? You want to know how much bread we have made in the last month? A lot.  And cookies.  And brownies and rice krispie treats...ever heard of the COVID-19? I don't think it refers to how much weight we are all putting on.

But I have to say that I think I found the best, the easiest and the most delicious so that's pretty much the end of trying new recipes I think.  The key was buying myself a very non essential and adorable dutch oven from Walmart last week.  Too bad I can't fit two loaves at once.  But Haley has also learned to make this bread and thats a win win for all of us.

School.  What to say.  This is the best and hardest.  Ever.  Again, I feel so conflicted.  I know it's important and I know it's doable.  I also know that if it's so much stress than everyone is miserable then it really is not worth it.  My kids won't rot away and be imbeciles for the rest of their lives.  But I am determined to do the best that I can.  I would be lying if I said that we hadn't considered homeschooling more than once over the years.  I know that this is a far cry from real homeschooling but for most of us Moms of the public school system, it sure feels like it right now.  So I will get better because that is what I am intent on doing during all of this, getting better at those things that are really really hard.  But I also acknowledge that there will be days where we don't do everything, don't accomplish much and may even stay in our pjs and watch TV all day simply because we can.

I have been so grateful for my kids teachers through the years.  Jonah I worry about a lot because he can be so wiggly and "un-conforming" in the academic/sit down/be quiet and focused sense.  But I also know that he is really smart and capable.  He has had some awesome teachers so far.  I have to sit right next to him while he does all of his work or it would take a million years.  He CANNOT, CAN-NOT stay in his own chair.  A couple of his teachers know this already and allow him to be up and moving while he works.  No matter how many times I put his little bum back in his chair he consistently somehow ends up back on my lap.  And I can't say I hate it.  He was recently recommended to be screened for the GT program at school.  We filled out the application and survey though I am not thoroughly convinced that I would want him to do it - that's a whole separate post full of personal opinions that are probably most constructively kept to myself.  But it made me happy to know that even though he is not a super quiet compliant student, his teachers recognizes his ability.

I feel like we might have finally found the structure that works the best for our group.  Abby and Mia have seminary at 8/8:15.  I get up and do my personal study during that time while the boys was cartoons.  Then at 9 everyone is up and downstairs for scriptures and prayer.  Then they have until 10 to eat breakfast, make beds and get dressed.  Then everyone has to sit at the kitchen table to do schoolwork (except Haley who is finishing up finals week upstairs in her room) and kids can step into the office for any classroom meets.  My kids work best and most consistently stay focused as a "herd".  It goes a long way in this family.  Most days we are completely finished with everyones work just after lunchtime and can spend the rest of the day playing or doing whatever.

 Sometimes the kids hide from Clark when he comes home from work.  Remember that little game? Clark used to hide from the kids all the time and it scared the bejeebees out of them - he is surprisingly bendy for a man of his stature.  The kids on the other hand, are not that great at hiding.

It has been a solid month since I have seen toilet paper of any kind at the store.  Then Clark and I both found it within the same week.  Mine was some crummy little one ply garbage.  Clark found fancy toilet paper and Bounty paper towels...he is pretty much a hero.  I don't want to jump the gun but I think maybe the shopping situation is looking up?  We haven't been without too much but there definitely are empty shelves and bins at the store.  It became like a game to see what kind of meat I was bringing home.  When I went this week it was pretty well stocked...except for the TP of course.

And I finally finished the adult masks...that will never be used.  I didn't have any elastic to finish them but I couldn't not try.  I just don't think I could live with myself if I made it through a worldwide pandemic without making masks for my kids out of adorable fabric.  Too bad we won't let them go anywhere.

We did a massive cleaning of the house on Saturday.  We don't do it nearly enough but it was so clean everywhere that I could've cried.  The house has stayed amazingly picked up for everyone being home all day every day.  They do a fairly decent job of keeping their rooms clean (they are REALLY bored) and doing their jobs every day but it was overdue for a DEEP clean.  I really can't emphasize enough how much a clean house means to me...it's unreasonable really, especially for a woman with six children and a dog.  I don't expect the same when I go to other's homes but it has a tremendous effect on my own well being to have my own home in order.

And some parting thoughts on important things.  We are part of a religion and culture that is all encompassing.  I was raised in a family that showed up.  We go to Sunday meetings, even on vacation.  We support activities and we just, show, up.  It is engrained in me and so I felt a little apprehensive about an absence of  places to "show up".  But it turns out this has been one of the biggest blessings for a couple of reasons.  It has forced us to really and truly examine what we do and why.  It has taken us to the core of what we teach and why.  I am very grateful to have a worthy priesthood holder in our home that allows us to have the sacrament in our own living room.  It has allowed us to see very clearly that our home is a sacred place.  This entire experience has helped me recenter and focus on the two most important things in our lives, our family and our faith.

There is still a lot to figure out and a lot of areas that we can improve.

Tomorrow is another day and if I'm being completely honest, I'm in no rush to get back to the normal that existed before.

COVID Time Capsule

There are all sorts of ideas floating around the web right now of how to record what is happening on the historical timeline right now.  We encouraged all of the kids to write in their journal on Sunday about what is happening and details about what their life looks like day to day as well as how they feel about it, nothing vague, be specific.  Or they'll end up with the kind of journal entries I wrote as a kid "Played with my friend.  Watched a movie.  Good night."  It constantly amazes me how few details I am able to remember about my own life.  Anyway, I saw this the other day as a "copy and paste" on Facebook kind of thing but thought it was a perfect way to record all the things.  A lot of states are getting ready to open back up some things this weekend and so change is on the horizon again.  To be honest, a lot seems to change from week to week from the beginning so it will be very interesting to navigate the slow move back to "normal", whatever that may be.

Today is Wednesday, April 29, 2020

-Here in Virginia we are roughly at day 45 of quarantine/social isolation.
-The dollar is worth $5.32, the euro $5.77 and the pound $6.54
-Schools have been closed since March 16, 2020 and are teaching remotely online.  This will continue for the duration of the school year and some predict it will impact the start in the fall.
-There are lines and tape inside of stores on their floors to show people where to stand and how much space to leave 6 feet between.
-Restaurants are only open for takeout, home deliver and pick up.
-Parks, beaches, hiking trails and walk in places are not accessible to the public (in some areas - here in Chesapeake we still have access to outdoor places with the exception of the public beaches and playgrounds.)
-All major and minor league sports competitions have been cancelled as well as kids' sports.  This impacted Hazel who had just made the middle school field hockey team, Mia who was in the middle of an indoor winter field hockey league and Jonah who was supposed to start soccer in April.  Abby is still having voice lessons over facetime most weeks.
-All festivals, concerts and entertainment events have been banned.
-Weddings, family celebrations and birthdays have been cancelled.  Funerals limited to 10-20 people (church policy right now is very small funeral gathering of under 10 and no service except at the graveside.)
-People are doing drive-by receptions and parades for birthdays and other special ocassions.
-Young kids can't understand why they can only see grandparents and other extended family and friends on a screen or thru a window if someone visits in person - Jonah prays every night that the Corona Virus will go away.
-No hugs or kisses with anyone outside of your household.
-Churches are closed.
-We have to stay away from each other, more than six feet.  Every now an again the kids will "hang out" with their friends nextdoor across the ditch from each other and Haley has gone to sit on the tailgates of cars with friends a couple of times.  I have gone on a couple of walks with my neighbors, keeping our distance.
-Shortage of disposable masks and gloves in hospitals.  In our area you cannot find toilet paper, gloves, hand sanitzer, bleach, paper towels or cleaning supplies in stores unless you can shop the earliest hours and if you get lucky.  If you do find it, you can only buy 1.  Same for a lot of the higher demand groceries, and depending on where I shop there is limits on things like meat, pasta, eggs, etc.
-Most people wear masks in public, some states REQUIRE them to enter any public area.  People are wearing all sorts - bandanas, homemade masks with hair ties, hospital grades of all varieties and dust masks/filters.  Many people are making them and donating them to first responders, hospitals and friends.
-Stores have limited hours to allow staff to clean and sanitize every night.
-Store check outs, some pharmacies and drive thrus have plexiglass between employees and customers, you reach under or around to pay.
-Australia, USA, Canada and Europe have closed their borders.
-Some groups are protesting to reopen the economy, "my mask my body".
-Very VERY few people are traveling for leisure.  Airports are virtually empty, lots of cancelled flights.  Tourism has the worst crisis in history.  Everyone is cancelling and postponing trips and vacations until further notice.  We have had girls camp, and FSY cancelled for the summer already.
-Gas prices are under $2.00 and oil companies are in the negative.  I have only filled up my car twice in the last 6 weeks.

The ebb and flow

I have had an introspective week...a somewhat unproductively introspective week.  Meaning, I have been doing a lot of thinking without a lot of problem solving happening, yet.
I have a really hard time putting it out there when I am struggling with something.  Not  because I have an aversion to showing weakness or that I have to maintain that I somehow have it all together.  It's because admitting it just doesn't help me.  Don't get me wrong,  I wallow and I complain but it's to a select few that are used to my dumping...sorry if that includes you ;)  I have a tendency to pull in and hunker down until I feel on top of my own mountain again.  It's just how I am, how I cope, how I move from one side of something to another.
So here's what I have been struggling with this week....get ready, it will blow your mind.  This situation is hard! Having all of my kids home with all sorts of new expectations is definitely a challenge.  I'm sure my sarcasm is not lost on the millions of Moms around the world that are struggling with the same thing I am. 
The reason that this frustrates me so much is because this is my dream situation, except for the pandemic part of course.  My dream is to raise a family in the social/home structure of the 1800's.  Pioneers that grow our own food, educate our own children, drive the wagon into town for a church picnic every once in a while, but with modern conveniences like penicillin and epidurals.  You get the idea.  At home, with my entire family is where I want to be but I'm finding that I just can't quite pull it off to the degree I wish I could.
I am a homemaker, a home engineer, you know the bit, the maid, the chauffeur, the teacher, the chef, the financial advisor, the referee.  I've been doing it for 18+ years.  Looking back I think that there are times that it did it fairly well though I'm not sure I recognized it in the moment.

Normally I would compartmentalize, prioritize.  But it feels impossible to even do that.  It's just a big sloppy soup with a little of this and a lot of that.

I have more time than ever before but also the the least, a constant line of people requesting my help with little to no break.  I have a really hard time letting things fall by the wayside, though there has been plenty of it because it's just not possible to do it all.  I know that sounds like the most obvious revelation in the world but it's a hard one for me to swallow because I chose this.  I chose a big family-I want to take care of them and meet all of their needs and not being able to sounds irresponsible somehow. 

In talking with my sister in law the other day I realized a couple of things.  She has a talent for articulating what I cannot, it's one of the things I admire most about her and why I often go to her with my burning questions.  She was saying how she wished that she could sit and talk with her grandmother, or great grandmother.  I would have so many questions! I think that what I've been missing is the "essence" of why it's important to me.  Is it because I didn't choose to do it, right now, like this? I'm not sure if that's it or not.  I mean, this is what I want to do.  I recognize that each woman feels a drive and pull to do different things, and I completely respect that and honor it.  Mine has always been to be a Mother.  To do this.  I think that is where the majority of my frustration actually comes from, the fact that this is exactly what I want and yet I can't find the rhythm.  Maybe there is no consistency in a gig like this.  That's a terribly frustrating prospect for a type A like me.  I have spent years learning how to be OK with the fact that mothering and housekeeping is a messy job.  Things are never as perfectly organized or smooth as they could be in my mind.  I have learned a great deal of patience over the years.  I have spent so many years working on some of these weaknesses.  I have felt so proud at how far I've come from a frustrated young Mom who lost her cool more easily-I have learned so much and come so far and it feels frustrating to be back at that level of intolerance.  I feel like I have regressed and I'm back in a house of little tiny kids that demanded so much of me physically and emotionally.

One of my very favorite books is Little Heathens.  It's a memoir of a woman that was a child in rural Iowa during the depression.  It's kind of like a Little House in the Big Woods for adults.  There's not really a linear storyline, she just talks about what life was like, how they did things and how things worked.  She loved her childhood.  Very little is mentioned about the depression because it was just life and the way it was.  She points out that as adults her sister remembers things very differently but it makes me love the author even more.  She just embraced the hard work, the process, the life.  I love it.  They were strong and resilient.  I mentioned in a previous entry how often I think of the pioneers and families, namely women from centuries past.  I admire what they were capable of, surely I can emulate that ability at least in a small degree.
I felt like I was doing a better job at all of this three weeks ago and suddenly I woke up last week and it wasn't working and we weren't accomplishing anything.  I know it's a matter of taking stock of what is going well, of the things that are working.  Like any stage in parenting or life we just have to re-evaluate and make adjustments, hold on to what works, tweak what doesn't, even though that may change from week to week.

We were talking to the kids the other day about this opportunity.  It's one of the many pep talk/lectures we have had about finding the amazing things that can come out of a unique and historic situation like this.  We have been thrown into a situation that is so unique.  For our family it's a chance to figure out the very basic existence of what it most important to us, our family and our faith.  Everything has been removed, all the extra and we have been left with the chance to figure out how to be together, how to live with the ones that are most important to us.
I want so badly to succeed at this.  I feel like it will be one of the most awarded opportunities of this period of our lives, maybe in our entire lives.

 Sometimes I ignore everything else that would be productive and I hyper-focus on a task that is less important but helps me feel "finished" with something, like organizing a closet or cleaning out a cupboard.  This week is was making masks for all of the kids.  Do I think they will need them at any point? No. I don't.  And I had to let go of feelings of guilt that I haven't been sewing stacks of them for hospitals or nurses in need.  The truth is, I can't even finish the ones I made because I have no elastic and not much fabric (*see instance last year when I cleaned out one of those closets mentioned above and got rid of all the fabric I didn't need or love.)

 We have had beautiful weather most days and I love to sit and watch the kids play.  Yesterday I laid in a hammock, totally exhausted from not completing my list of tasks, and watched my family play catch in the yard as the sun set, following a delicious dinner of homemade lasagna and bread sticks that I made with the help of my oldest daughter.  I will say that this whole experience has reinstated by ability to plan out and actually make dinner almost every night of the week.  I had all but stopped because our schedules had gotten so busy and I just hated cooking, but as of late we have been having actual family dinners of actual meals.  It's been nice.

Shopping is becoming less frequent and much stranger.  The CDC recommends that everyone in public wear a mask, in addition to the other precautions in place in most stores (staying six feet away, not approaching the checkout, etc.) It all just feels weird and yet it's not as hard as I would expect to just adapt and do what you gotta do.  I have only filled up my car once in the last two and a half weeks, so that's pretty cool I guess.

In short, it's fine, it's all fine.  It's weird and it's uncomfortable and we are far from perfect but that's life, right?  I kind of don't want to figure it all out because then it will be over and "normal" life will go on, whatever that may look like in the coming months.  My goal is to have a little more consistency, a little more progress, and a lot more contentment in the process.

A quarantine kind of birthday

My favorite is when Clark calls for the first time during the day (he's a call several times a day kinda guy and it doesn't bother me one bit...except when he calls to shoot the breeze as though I am just hanging out with nothing to do but chat on the phone) and asks "what do you have going on today?" Like.....different from the last 30 days? I'm not sure, I mean, the ORDER of how we are doing things is different today, is that what you're looking for? I'm making french bread instead of just regular white bread...or I may make cookies today instead of brownies.  It's a very unproductive conversation.  It usually results in my just saying something snarky.

That being said, this week has been a little more exciting than weeks past...exciting being that we didn't do the same things that we have done every other day.

I told the kids to get their morning stuff all finished because we were going on a family outing at 12:30.  We drove out to Red Wing Park in Virginia Beach, right next to Oceana Naval Air Station-the closer you get to Oceana the more jets you see flying overhead.  It's hard to even do outdoor things right now because we are pushing the 10 person get together limit...we get sideways glances when we spill out of the car.  Actually in all fairness we always get sideways glances as people count in their heads...and the suspicious sideways glances happen everywhere, even when you are in the grocery store by yourself.  Everyone is strangely wary of everyone right now.  It's a little weird.  I often wonder if this time of quarantine is going to break society as a whole just a little.

The park was beautiful and just what we needed, fresh air and a little pollen.  We started with a jaunt through the wood which ended rather quickly the farther into the swamp we got.  It got very muddy very fast.  Then we frolicked down the alley of cherry trees.  I think I will plant an alley all around the perimeter of my backyard so I can take a stroll through the trees and feel like I am on an English castle estate with sprawling gardens.

I made them stand together and take a picture because I like them.  And even though the last picture was staged it accurately depicts what everyone looks like at some point during the day...usually we are angry one or two at a time but sometimes it's the perfect storm and we all need to be sent to bed early.

 She's not a quaran"teen" but pretty close.  I think Hazel was extra worried that her birthday would be a bust this year.  Not only are we quarantined but it was on a General Conference Sunday meaning she was going to sit and watch lots of hours of uplifting messages for two days, poor thing.  I am typically not a big over-doer of birthdays (much to the disappointment of my children I'm sure) because thats just a lot of work and money for a lot of people.  But I figured I had the time so why not.  We decorated, I had a surprising amount of gold already in my stash.  I hope she felt loved and appreciated.  I cannot believe she is 12.  We did our traditional birthday slideshow that has been updated with pictures from all 12 of those years and it made me want to weep and cry with happy Mom tears.  We have had some pretty awesome times, this family of mine. 

 A young Mom in our ward was packing up a truck with her Dad and moving and she was afraid they wouldn't have any help.  A few other people showed up which helped it all go fairly quickly.  I just knew all too well the stress of a military move with kids, by yourself, with a husband that is very far away.  The extenuating circumstance made it all the more stressful so I grabbed a couple of my chickadees and we went to help for an hour or so.  Ezra was super sad that he couldn't go with us.  Haley said he couldn't go because he didn't have a mask so he ran up to his room and came down with this.  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I kissed his little face and bribed him with a treat to stay home.

I have tried to encourage the kids to recognize the silver linings in this whole experience.  Some days it is easier than others.  Spring has sprung here in southern Virginia and it just makes me feel so happy.  The weather has been gorgeous most days with perfect temps, clear skies and green everywhere.  On our drive yesterday we had the windows down and took in the trees, flowers and wisteria dripping from trees around every corner.  The wisteria reminds me of our time in Charleston when we were first married.  It is so pretty that I promptly came home and researched how and where I could plant it around our house and then found out that it is super poisonous to people and animals so I guess we will just have to appreciate from afar.

 To break up the monotony we did a drive by to some friends.  We took them bread and scheduled a reading from the second graders (and a kindergartner and one preschooler who "read" us his favorite book.) Baby girl nearly killed us with the reaching up when we couldn't even give her a squeeze.  The social distancing is hard because we should just be a hard pass but when we do these "distance" meet ups it's just torture for the kids.  The girls have done a few "ditch dates" with their friends next door, they are supposed to stay on either side of the ditches between our yards but it's getting harder and harder for them to respect that boundary.

I think we have done them a disservice but not watching a lot of news around here.  They are having a very hard time wrapping their minds around the seriousness of the situation and why our contribution matters.

Clark and I have been pretty consistent over the last couple of years with our weekly dates.  We have had to be a little more creative in the last couple of weeks which is fine because "creative" means cheap.  Last week we went stargazing and this week we took the four-wheeler to the field across from our neighborhood.  We drove to the top of a huge dirt mountain near a construction sight and sat and watched the lightning storm roll in like a couple of red-necked hill billies.  Not gonna lie, it was pretty fun.

Then we came home and laid in the front yard with the kids and Ezra watched the sky for lightning.  I feel grateful every day for this little patch of land and sky, makes me think that I would be pretty happy on a farm after all.

What day is it?

I'm pretty sure I'm stuck between stages of grieving but I'm not sure which ones.  Also the stages of quarantine grieving are messed up, and out of order, and cyclical and dumb.  It's almost 11:00 and I feel like I don't know what to do with my life.  It will be fine in like an hour.  It's because I didn't adhere to my own structure of getting up and putting real clothes on right away.  And most definitely the whole day is a wash because I haven't made my bed yet or learned how to can vegetables that I grew myself.
These are your choices - and I usually feel both at some point during the day...and yes I DID take the time to google pictures then put them in a grid just for this entry, I got time.  Or may be I woke up in a funk because Clark and I have been binge watching The Tiger King of Netflix.  So I guess I can consider that compared to some, I am fairly sane and "normal", whatever that means.  Also its a horrible show with sad sad people that make really bad decisions and their language is so bad that we have spent the better part of the last couple of episodes fast forwarding to the end where basically we are going to find out that there is no definitive conclusion at all...why am I doing this to myself?! The minute I figured out that there was no resolution to The Stairs or Making of a Murder, I stopped watching.  I don't need that kind of cliff hanger in my life.  Also I'm finding that true crime stuff is not really my jam.  Maybe it's time to pick up a book again, it's been a few weeks.

It's a roller coaster folks.  I think I need some fresh air...which reminds me, I haven't taken the dog out yet this morning for a proper business stroll around the yard.
Here are some things I have learned but really already knew.
If I don't wake up before the boys then they will do something that I will most likely roll my eyes at but doesn't bother me enough to actually get up before them.  Things like watching You Tube videos of other people playing video games or eating cereal out of giant bowls with no milk and no clothes.
Remember a couple of summers ago when I was waking up an hour before the house so I could read my scriptures and get ready for the day? Where is that person? I could use her help right about now, the dog needs to go out.

 Let it be stated (again) in the record that I am a horrid curmudgeon and hater of fun because I think April Fools Day is lame.  My poor kids know this and so if they must do some kind of prank, and they must, they do it without fanfare.  Hazel came wandering into the room ever so calmly to show me her handwork.  And then spent the next three hours creating horrid open wounds on the boys...but it kept everyone happy AND she got to check "sibling activity" off of her to do list, everyone wins.

I ripped March off the wall calendar yesterday...just tell me that blank calendar doesn't make you want to...I can't really think of what it makes me want to do, nothing? anything?  Also I have found that it doesn't really help to write the one or two things on the calendar that actually have to happen at a specific time because I have no idea what the heck day it is anyway.  And I don't use the calendar on my phone because I just don't so don't tell me to.

I did manage to finally get a chart done.  I fully concede that this chart doesn't really make a huge difference in how easily, or smoothly things get accomplished.  It is purely a coping mechanism for me.  When I feel a shift or loss of control I seek order and organization with cute labels and probably a laminator.  I've been eyeballing the pantry next...

Yesterday the girls painted for several hours.  I can get behind that, except they are using up my wood from the garage.  It's fine, it's all fine.  I appreciate how creative and talented they all are.  Yesterday was decidedly more productive than today....so far.

Jonah did his first classroom meeting today.  His lovely teacher wanted them all to be able to see their friends and it was adorable.  Except Jonah had a really hard time sitting still.  School is out for the rest of the school year and I love that their teachers care so much that they won't see their students.  I know that they worry about them and are doing everything they can to help facilitate their learning as much as they can.  I am getting approximately 5,000 e mails a day for this reason and when I start to feel a tad overwhelmed by organizing all this academia, I remember that it was my choice to have so many dang kids in the first place.  It's fine, it's all fine.

Jonah kept hopping off of his chair and doing push ups on the floor to impress his class.  If this is what his teacher was having to deal with then bless her.  Truly.

OK, I will probably make a to do list now just to be able to leave the office.  It will include minute details like take the dog outside and breathe, just so I can recognize the number of things I do a day and why everything takes so long.  Eventually I will get dressed and even make my bed.
It's fine, it's all fine.