Wednesday, April 13, 2011
If I was an author...
Sorry, no pictures. But read on, I promise it will be worth it. OK, maybe it will be worth it.
I think that probably the sign of a true author is that they actually compose material before coming up with a title. In my case, I have lots of great titles but no actual content. The volumes of my own "two cents" that I have been writing in my head this week is titled
I think that probably the sign of a true author is that they actually compose material before coming up with a title. In my case, I have lots of great titles but no actual content. The volumes of my own "two cents" that I have been writing in my head this week is titled
"Everything I ever needed to know was once learned and planned for...and then I had four daughters."
Also,
I would make a poor author because I don't really remember all the
rules for writing, like how to properly write the title of a
book...quotation marks? italics? underlined? That's what editors are for
I suppose. After all, if you call yourself and artist, you don't
really have to be responsible for following rules, right? Not that I am
calling myself an artist, but I will if it excuses me from following
certain rules.
I
have been thinking a lot lately about parenting, and it's ever
evolving-to-fit-the-needs-of-growing-children conundrum. It's a fast
paced game. And I want to be an all star at being prepared for what
comes next, instead of always struggling to keep up with where we are
at. (See that? I ended the sentence with "at"....I'm pretty sure that
is not grammatically correct.) For instance, when the kids were really
young we could make all sorts of inside jokes and the kids would never
know what we were talking about...now they are old and smart and
intuitive. We can't do that anymore. We have had to raise our
standards a bit, so to speak. That statement and example alone calls me
out on some things that I should have had figured out before I started
having kids. Like, uh, having higher standards. Hopefully by
recognizing that now, it's not too late.
The
thing that I keep thinking to myself in the past several weeks has been
this: in this ever changing world where morals, honesty, modesty and
decorum are on a slippery slope downward, I must maintain our
standards. I must defend them with all the vigor of a parent. Settling
for the excuse of "changing times" IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAUGHTERS.
Accepting that the world is just a different place than when I was
young is a poor excuse for allowing our standards to change. I know
that my daughters are growing up in a world that is very different from
my own childhood, even 20, 25, 30 years ago. Imagine what the people
born 80 years ago think of the world we live in. I know that my
daughters will not have the same reactions to things that I did, that
their perceptions will be on a different level of tolerance because of
what they are exposed to. However, I don't think that their level of
sensitivity has to change. They will be exposed to oh, so much more
than I ever was on a daily, accessible basis. But as their mother I can
still condition, through valiant effort, to instill that sensitivity to
right and wrong; a recognition and distinction between what is
wholesome and what is not uplifting. In the past several months I will
have the brief thought of "well, I guess I don't mind" or "whatever" and
then quickly have stopped myself with that pounding thought again....THAT IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Giving in and giving up is not good enough. The truth is, we do
live in a different world. They will be exposed to more inappropriate,
dishonest and unsavory things. My kids go to public school. We watch
TV and listen to the radio. We live in a big city. We are surrounded
by neighbors. We go into public. They will be exposed. I do wish we
could live out in the country and have nothing influencing us but sky
and air but we don't. And as much as I would love that, distancing
myself and my family in that way just wouldn't be the answer for us.
It's a terrifying prospect but I am comforted because I have guidance
and faith and optimism that we are not alone in this endeavor.
All of these thoughts that I have been pondering were reinforced and enlightened by General Conference
last weekend. I am forever grateful for that driving force that once
again met up with all of the things going on in my life and provided
that next chapter of instructions.
I was especially touched by a couple of talks.
Elder Maynes
spoke about our responsibilities in maintaining strong families. And
in light of my recent discovery that Clark's and my own standards of
what we watched or joked about should be uplifted, I was touched by this
poem that he shared by C.C. Miller.
’Twas a sheep not a lamb
That strayed away in the parable Jesus told,
A grown-up sheep that strayed away
From the ninety and nine in the fold.
And why for the sheep should we seek
And earnestly hope and pray?
Because there is danger when sheep go wrong:
They lead the lambs astray.
Lambs will follow the sheep, you know,
Wherever the sheep may stray.
When sheep go wrong,
It won’t take long till the lambs are as wrong as they.
And so with the sheep we earnestly plead
For the sake of the lambs today,
For when the sheep are lost
What a terrible cost
The lambs will have to pay.
We
are a blaring example to them for better or worse. That means what we
say, how we say it, what we do, what we spend our time doing, where we
spend our money.
I will not allow my generation to be the one that takes a step down, farther from the things that matter most.
So
I guess step 1 in my quest to strengthening my home and family would be
to ensure that I am in check with where not only I should be, but where
I want and expect my daughters to be. Why would I expect anything
else?
Step 2 is to maintain the standards we believe in. Find the balance and moderation between the evolution of the world and society, and what we hold to be concrete and most important. Allow change where change is appropriate. Avoid deterioration of morals or standards because of what we are told they should be. Accept nothing less.
This means being involved. Being aware. Being sensitive. Listen. Watch.
Step 3 is to love them. Love them love them love them.
I'm
sure there will be many more steps along the way. I know there will
be. I will be looking. I will be ready. And I will be unwavering
because they are worth it. They are worth every ounce of "that's not
fair" and "my friends get to" and more. As their mother I will have
that perfect perspective of who they are and what they are worth as a constant, even though at times in their own lives they will not.
