Oh what to do in the quiet of the day.

Trying to fill in the gaps here with all the things that I want to remember.  I have little conversations with myself all the time - it's like essay writing in my head.  If only I could have it transcribed as I think it, journal writing would be so much easier.
Life is whizzing by and I am afraid there is so much I won't remember.  I want to remember what I thought and how I felt about certain things all along the way.  Already in pregnancy #6 it's like I have complete amnesia when it comes to the details about previous pregnancies and births, newborn and toddlerhood.  Perspective is everything and while I find the insights and experiences of others to be a most valuable asset, I also value my own personal experience and insight of things past.  After all, it's how I got to be here, now, for better or worse.
The pregnancy is coming to a close - very quickly at a snail's pace.  The last month is always the craziest waiting period.  I know it will come and go before I am ready and yet I can appreciate how much "easier" things can be before a new baby arrives.  I am so very uncomfortable.  I have gained a lot of weight, I am not in great shape and my eating habits have been less than model.  I hurt, a lot.  I am old.  I am tired.  At my last doctor's appointment, it was like when you call your Mom from the nurse's office and start crying the second you hear her voice on the phone.  He walked in, asked how I was doing and it took all of my energy to not break down in tears and say what I'm sure every other woman that is 8.5 months pregnant says - "I want to be done.  Please let me be done."  He gave me an induction date, four weeks from tomorrow.  That is soooo close and still so far away.  No it's close.  I can't really decide.  When Jonah was about to arrive I thought "I totally got this.  Number 5, I pretty much can anticipate anything that comes my way." And then it was kind of like I was a first time Mom.  Everything was new and different and it was as if I knew nothing.  I am approaching this one with a much more humble sense of prepared.  I think my maturity has come in the way of knowing that all will work out, go with the flow of life and enjoy it while it lasts, because it most likely is, the last.  I'm not sure I can accept that just yet.  I love being pregnant - in all its discomfort and inconvenience, it is the most amazing thing in the world.  I love the birth experience.  It is Heaven and Earth colliding as a new little baby comes trailing clouds of glory from some other place.  And my babies, I love my babies.  There simply is no experience in this life quite like it, not even close.  And so I wait, and anticipate, and have gratitude for all of it.

I have been seeing a perinatologist for ultrasounds every few weeks to monitor a couple of different things (first the baby's kidney's and now just his size since he seems to be on the 9+ pound track like Jonah.) I have been trying to get a better ultrasound picture of him but the Dr. is all business and has been less than accommodating.  Maybe next week.

At the very end of August Clark and I snuck away for a long weekend trip to Chicago with the Millers, knowing it would be some time before we are able to vacation with them again with babies coming and kids going to college.  We met up with and stayed with Mike's brother Matt who lives there.  He showed us the ins and outs, the best places to eat and the coolest stuff to see in the short time we were there.  It was a delightful trip and somehow walking around for three solid days didn't completely do me in.  We rode the river on an Architectural tour, we ate Chicago mix popcorn, stuffed pizza and fancy food at Ralph Lauren (where Matt works) as well as museums, coastline and cards late at night.  It was perfect.

My nesting during pregnancy runs deep.  I have been cleaning out closets and organizing drawers for months.  Knowing that I wouldn't be up for it in the later months, I enlisted the help of the Keck womenfolk to help me rearrange rooms in order to have a place for this little guys to sleep.  We moved beds and dressers and got everything settled so that I can feel confident that this baby won't sleep in our room forever.  Despite what it might look like in this picture, Jonah and Lovey were of little help that evening.  Clark was gone this particular night which was just as well because he might have had a heart attack when he saw the bit about the bed hanging over the balcony.  But in the end, everything got to where it was supposed to be with no structural damage to the house...or children.

Then school got into full swing and we somehow settled into a new school year where all four girls are in different schools.  Like I said, somehow they are flourishing each in their own way, on their own. 

I have a high schooler.  I don't want to talk about it.  Especially since in a few more weeks I will be the mother of both a high schooler and a newborn.  That's weird.

And since I apparently didn't embarrass Abby with a picture at her school open house, I will document her in her other strength, critter catching.  We have had a plethora of baby geckos in the house as of late, and she is willing to catch every one.

I adore family outings.  This was the weekend before school started and I just wanted one more outing with my peeps, away and gone from the house.  I have to admit, I really do mourn living in Houston sometimes because it feels harder to get away - on the East coast we could drive out into the hills, find an orchard or a beach and feel far away from life.  If you drive to the country here, that's all you have is country.  I also like to have access to food or fun activity when "getting away" and staring at cows in a field just doesn't entertain my kids like it should.  But on this evening we found go karts, mindless arcade games and a hibachi grill which scared the bejeebees out of Jonah.  But the go karts he liked.

We have family dinner with the grandparents and cousins every Sunday.  It is loud and chaotic and crazy with so many kids but it is also oddly rejuvenating and I hate missing it when other things come up. The kids get to hang out and bond (and make messes-these two littles in particular-ie toothpaste on anything and everything, toilet mischief and general tom foolery) but the adults sit and talk and enjoy one another's company.  It is the real blessing of living here in Houston, even if there are too many cows in the country and not enough orchards.

Hazel's horseback riding lessons are a highlight for me during the week.  Maybe its because I would have loved it so much growing up, but from the perspective of this little girl's mother, I love it because she is flourishing! She is confident and poised and she loves it.  It has been an amazingly wonderful experience for her.  I'm sure I will love it even more as the weather chills out just a little.

My little Chicks, plus one.

And now I would like to talk about my kids and why I love them so.
I love my kids in the human flesh but I also really REALLY LOVE them in photographs because they are sitting still and not making messes or bickering or talking back.  I kid.  In all honesty I feel like so often I have been blessed with photographs that perfectly capture them and all the little things that make my heart flick and flitter when I look at them.  I have four huge collage prints hanging in my office of the girls (before Jonah was born.)  My brother took our passport photos several years ago and while doing so, took the opportunity to stand them on the piano bench in great light and told them to just make faces.  They are my favorite prints ever.  I think he captured the majority of faces and expressions they make and I love looking at them.  (I know this is a terrible picture, but you get the gist.)

While in Utah this summer I took advantage of the sweet setup down the hill from my sister's at Fotofly.  They have you in and out in 45 minutes, with all your pictures an hour later.  They did a fantastic job and my kids cooperated nicely.
Just look at them all together - it never ceases to amaze me that I can just go about my life thinking nothing of it until I see a picture of all of them and then realize that I have A LOT of KIDS! So then I have to remind myself, "just wait a couple of months, six might just blow your mind!"
But my heart swells.  It really does.  Today I watched three of the girls walk into piano and it made me smile.  I couldn't help it.  And I was grateful for that moment.

Jonah Pants.  Jones.  Bubba.  J Man.
Oh my goodness, this boy, this boy, this boy.  There is something distinctively different between saying I have a boy, and calling him my son.  It still feels strange to say "my son".  He has been an utter delight.  That hair that I absolutely fell in love with the very moment he was born and his little huge personality...he fits right in.  I truly enjoyed his newborn days, his infant months and his toddler years.  Three has suddenly become a bit more of a "challenge" in the last couple of weeks.  I don't know if it's just his time to be crazy or has something to do with the impending birth of baby brother.  For the first couple of months, every time we talked about baby he would wave his hands and yell "stop talking!"  Now he hugs and kisses and loves Baby Brother.  He talks to him and about him and even makes adorable noises when he sees a tiny baby outfit.  But yesterday in the car we were talking about where Baby Brother was going to sit.  I suggested, right by Jonah but he said "no, he will miss his Momma" to which I replied, "But Jonah, I am his Momma."  That, did NOT go over well.  Apparently he wasn't connecting all the dots of this new baby thing just yet.  He is the only Momma's boy out of the group.  Every one of my girls is a Daddy's girl, which means this transition with Baby Brother could get sticky.

Hazel Bazel.  Bazey.  Z.  Baby Girl.
A joy.  A light.  A delight.  I love getting notes home from school that say simply "I love this girl" from her teacher.  The feeling is mutual.  She is sweet and happy and is overcoming some very difficult separation anxieties that she has had the last couple of years.  She is doing piano and horseback riding.  The horseback riding has had an amazing affect on this girl.  She sits on top of that enormous beast with poise and confidence and I adore it.  She is brave and smart and still the sweetest little thing with freckles ever.

Haley Bug.  Bug.  La La.
I am still shocked sometimes to see this lanky thing walk into the room.  She really, truly passed me up in height this summer.  She is beautiful and smart and kind.  Maturity is still coming along :) but this 14 year old is going to be something amazing.  She still has the same force and resilience to try new things that she has always had and I admire her for it.  She has talents that haven't even been discovered but I love that she loves music - when I was pregnant with her I wasn't able to sit through the organ playing in church because she would go nuts.  She is always listening to music and her talent on the piano continues to blossom and bless us.  I love hearing her play.  She is still loving dance and that makes me happy too.  As a freshman in high school this year she has made some tough decisions but she does the right thing and I admire her for it - including getting herself up for early morning seminary.  She loves it.  I love her.

Abigail.  Babs.  Babby Boo. Abba labba ding dong.
Those dimples.  We saw those dimples the day she was born.  I love her dimples, her squinty eyes and even the scar she sports along her right cheek (remember the molten starburst incident of 2012?) Abby's personality has always been easy going - she typically doesn't make waves.  She is silly and sassy and playful.  She gets grounded from reading because it's all she does! She does went out for the school play and made it so we are excited to see her get involved in something new and fun.  She and Mia have been best buds for the last several months.  She blends well with everyone and is funny and likeable by all.

Mia.  Mims.  Mimi.  Mam.
Mia is growing up so fast.  She has a maturity and calmness to her that is unique.  She also has found a love for reading this year.  I can't keep her supplied with books as fast as she goes through them.  She loves school too.  This year all four girls are in different schools but they are blossoming in such an interesting way "on their own".  Mia is sweet and helpful and is quick to say "ok, maybe next time" when the answer is no.  She loves to cuddle and be close but is finding her independence as well.  She's another smarty pants that impresses us with her schoolwork and has a talent for being a good friend.  Her hair, my goodness her hair.  I should harvest and sell it.  She has more than enough for everyone and i love it.  She is our dark haired, dark skinned sheep of the family.  She also is loving the piano and making strides in that talent.

And this next one: What will he be like? Only time will tell.