Up close and personal.

I got the most awesome thing in the mail a couple of weeks ago.  A military friend sent me a link for a company offering free banners to active duty military...being active duty military has all sorts of perks and I have learned that it never hurts to ask "Do you offer a military discount?" I mean, this job should come with a few perks here and there, right?  And a free vinyl banner totally makes up for the 4 years of our marriage that he has been absent, so naturally I jumped at the chance.  Instead of paying $65.00 for an enormous sign, which I would most likely never do, I paid $6.50 for shipping.  Awesome.

Oh, and I put a 2 foot picture of his face on it, because he will soooo love that.  He is lucky that I just hung it inside this time.  He has only been gone for 3 weeks.  When he gets back from the 6 month one, this baby will be hanging outside where everyone will see how much we love him, and his huge face.
You'll have to remind to to take it down before I start talking to it during the day.

Just look at those big, vinylly, kissable cheeks.

Parenting 101...again...and again...

Parenting is a slippery fish.
As soon as I feel like I've got it, someone grows, someone changes, things happen, life goes on and I am left leafing through the index of my parenting books with a confused look on my face and a door slamming in the background.  FOR THE LOVE children!  Just stop evolving/growing/maturing/im-maturing/developing long enough for me to revel in the satisfaction of having the parenting thing all figured out for a few seconds.  These kids are like a mutating species.
We have hit a new stage for a couple of them, a new situation, an ever present set of tasks at hand.  I realize, of course that all of this equals what we like to call "life" but some days I find myself wishing for the powers of Evie to pause everything, just to catch my breath and pat myself on the back.
This is where today's little situation landed us.  Her room has been de-doorknobbed.  I have to admit, that in all my patient cool headedness during the "situation" there was a moment where I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get the doorknob off (who has a screwdriver that can go at that kind of angle, I ask you.) I was quite concerned at the "parenting backfire".  But all went swimmingly, I walked away with her doorknob in hand and then had the added satisfaction when she came to the regretful realization that when she slammed her door this time, she was locking herself in without knowing how to engage the latch thingy through the doorknob hole to get herself back out.  "Hm, you should have thought of that before you tried to shut me out, again."
The parenting book I just finished gets one and a half stars.  It would have been awesome if all of my children were "people pleasers" who respond the way he implies all children respond.  It was also as if he wasn't operating on any sort of actual behavioral science, just his own opinions.  I kept thinking, "well, that doesn't sound right...that's not what I learned in Disciplining the Difficult Child 101". He had good points here and there and as always, we acquire, we learn, we adapt and we implement what we feel is right for our children.  I am just constantly amazed at all the change.  It's hard to keep up.  But as long as I can keep perspective and a cool head about me, it's like a game, a challenge, a mystery.  It requires shaking things up from time to time.  Sometimes all it takes it us trying something new.  We do it for a while and move on to another method, all the while keeping our eye on those most important goals...which should be raising good, responsible, moral children...but sometimes it's just, get-through-the-day-and-still-like-them-at-the-end.

An UN-vite, if you will.

My dearest daughters that I love and cherish so much.  I would like to cordially invite you to STOP getting into my bed every single night.  Though I love you dearly and want nothing in this world more than to cuddle your sweetness, I do not appreciate being slapped, punched, poked and kicked awake from a nice dreamy sleep...repeatedly.
Thanks for understanding.
May I just clarify also that I am used to sleeping next to a husband that though not altogether quiet, doesn't move a muscle when he sleeps.  He is accustomed to sleeping in a very tight spot, like that of a smallish coffin.  He lays down, promptly falls asleep and does not move so much as a toe until morning.  Mia on the other hand, seems to have raging fits and uncontrollable spasms aimed in the direction of anything living.  Not cool.  No sir, not cool at all.
I am going to go ice my sore spots.

I give you...the girl with a mean left hook and perfect aim.

Aareagkkgg.

If I have to wash my daughter's hands from being in the toilet one more time I just might accept my sister in law's invitation to run away and join the circus. right. now.  She did promise I could be a trapeze artist. I dig sparkly lycra (but not so much like Jennifer Lopez...think more Ice Capades circa 1957.)

I have decided that if I can't come up with more meaty posts anytime soon, I might just have to switch to Facebook and keep you all updated with one liners.  Except that I don't really know all that much about Facebook, and really do I need another thing to keep me from doing laundry? The answer is no, I don't.

The truth of the matter is I have an incredible "to do" list right now.  My brain has had little room for creativity-I'm all pragmatic this week.  I had checked off the majority of the list when I found I had several things to add today, therefore I had transfer the incomplete ones over to the new list, all fresh and tidy.  And I am simultaneously reading a book about how to "Have a New Kid By Friday" except that he really suggests doing a step each day that starts with Monday and seeing as how it is only Thursday I really can't start it until after the weekend because that would throw off my whole Type A/OCD thing....it would also be compromised by the fact that I totally forgot about Wednesday this week and have felt one day ahead for days...not ahead of my "to do" list, mind you, more like allowing entire days to be sucked into a vortex of time and distraction.  Little kid hands in toilets does this to me.  So do excessive amounts of dirty socks on the floor, little girls up way past bedtimes and cold cereal for dinner.

I think that the title of the book is funny.  We have achieved a new level of sass in this house and it ain't just comin' from the normal source...it has leaked into the tones of the others and I'm not going for it.  Plus I will be really disappointed if I get to the end of the book and realize he was talking about actually acquiring a new child by the end of the week instead of altering the behavior of already existing offspring.  So far he has way too much humor seeped into his paragraphs.  I don't know about you but if I am frustrated enough to be reading a parenting book it also means that I have partially and perhaps temporarily lost my sense of humor on the subject.  I keep wanting to say, "get to the point funny boy."  If the book doesn't produce desired results, I may be sending one daughter to his office shipped priority. 
I am going to write my own parenting book one day.  I totally have the idea all mapped out, I just won't have the time to do it until my kids stop sticking their hands in the toilet.  But I had better get on it quick because my two other inventions have been patented by other people.  Now how am I supposed make my millions? And don't even ask because I won't tell you my brilliant ideas...I did that once and seriously regretted it in my petty little mind afterward.
Anyway, the goal was to be in bed before tomorrow but seeing as how I have already missed that opportunity, I will add something to my to do list that I have already completed just to feel the satisfaction of checking it off.  Sometimes that is necessary for someone who loves making lists as much as I do.  Oh, I know.
-Wash potty water off daughter's hands 20 times.  Check. 

I feel better now.

Is it too late?

Is it too late for Clark and I to decide that we want to be ranchers?  This woman makes it look so lovely.  But it means I'm going to need to be a better cook, get some decent boots, teach my 8 year old how to drive a truck and get a dog.  Oh, and Clark might need to get a book about cattle...and the part about the homeschooling I could do without.  But the photography, the amazing kitchen and the beautiful hair? Yes, please.
PS Here is my plug.  If you don't have her cook book, get it.  It is so Delicious with a big, fat, capital D.  And if you don't want to do that, get a wonderful mother in law that will get it for you because she knows how badly you wanted it.  And then, just for good measure, cook her white chicken enchiladas and stuffed mushrooms, right this very minute.

I am a Poser.

So here is my little confession.  I hate to exercise.  I actually don't enjoy anything about running except the alone, quiet time.   However, I find it unfair that those "avid exercisers" out there get all the comfortable clothing.  I was quite active in my younger days.  I ran, a lot.  I did Cross Country and Track starting in middle school.  Maybe I filled my quota early on in life and don't see a need for it now.  Or maybe my life just lacks a little Coach Magee.  We could all use more of that.  Although I did just read an article stating that exercise actually builds brain cells...I could definitely use a few more of those.
I should have been offended that my husband wanted to buy me a "work out" outfit for Christmas...but he assured me it's not for actual exercise.    I recognize how lucky I am to hate exerting myself so much and not weigh 600 pounds.  Because the truth of the matter is, I like to eat.  I'm a salty kind of gal though I have been known to consume rice krispy treats in large quantities or eat brownies for breakfast.  There is nothing wrong with starting your day with a little baked good.
I like to throw on pants that could pass as "yoga" or "work out" pants so the people at the bus stop  will maybe suspect that I am "that type of person".  You know, the people that go straight to work once they put their kids on the bus or maybe even the kind that gets up before my kids to work out. Never suspecting of course, that I just rolled out of bed 20 minutes ago and went from my underwear straight to said "fake work out clothes" and I may or may not have forgotten to even put on deodorant.

But wearing these clothes may cause me to feel peppier, maybe even put a little bounce in my step (which reminds me, to complete the facade, I really should replace my 7 year old running shoes, that's like 65 in shoe years.) Or maybe I'll just surprise us all and exercise once or twice this year.  We'll see, but don't hold your breath.

And since I don't have anything of a more interesting nature to talk about, pop on over here and oogle at my newest nephew.  I just love people having babies, especially my family.  And these people make some darn cute babies.

Ringing in the new year and all that other stuff...

(we've had more of this...)

(and more of this...)

I have been thoroughly enjoying our holiday break.  OK, thoroughly might be a strong word, rather, I have really been enjoying most parts of our holiday break.  We have gone out, we have stayed in.  We have played, we have snuggled and drunk copious amounts of hot chocolate.  We graze all day and have a sensible dinner (most nights.) And with the exception of Clark being back at work, we are having fun.

We are having the perfect snow situation as of late.  The two feet that blew in overnight last week was fun and came at a good time. However, it really came in just like that.  It literally blew in, 6 inches at a time all while we were asleep.  We had food and no where we needed to be so it was a lovely shut in.

This week we are actually getting to enjoy watching the snow come down gently.  It snows through the night and the first part of the day but by afternoon the roads are perfectly clear.  The wind has died down and the temperature is tolerable.  I love snow like this.

On New Year's Eve we were having one of those mornings and instead of hunkering down in our house and staying in pj's we ventured out onto the roads.  Why you ask? Why for two pounds of bacon, naturally.  No road is too treacherous for bacon.

And even though Clark ended up having to stay at work, we still ventured out to a friends house to enjoy delicious snacks (which included some of the a fore mentioned bacon) and good company to celebrate the New Year (or the first part of the evening anyway.)  We went easy with the celebrations though I was prepared seeing as how I don't go anywhere without noise makers...four little noise makers to be more precise.

 

(I love taking pictures of groups of kids.  You kind of have to just go with it. I think half of them are in the starting positions of making a silly face and while Mia looks disgruntled, I can assure you she had a lovely time.)

We left to come home before anyone had an official meltdown,

and then against my better judgment, I allowed the girls to stay up and watch the ball drop.

On our way home from our friends, we stopped off at the boat to leave the boys with some yummy snacks of their own.

Do you see the 2-0-1-0?

The girls were so excited to stay up at first.  I rather like this sequence of pictures which depicts how I feel approaching  midnight.  Partying just isn't the same as an adult, if you ask  me.

 

 

 

By 11pm we had lost Mia completely and Haley and Abby were mystified as to why people stay up so late to watch the ball drop.  Maybe I didn't make enough noise or jump high enough on the bed.  They thought it was all very anticlimatic and didn't understand why New Year's had to include so many people kissing.  As they were watching couple after couple kiss in Times Square, Abby looked over at Haley, stared at her for a second, then planted one right on her forehead.  That's the spirit Abby!

(They were also wondering why Jennifer Lopez was wearing a sparkly body suit and acting like a crazy person next to Ryan Seacrest.  I was wondering what has happened to dear Dick Clark and why does his poor voice sound so wrong? But I am glad he was there, it just wouldn't have been the same without him.)

Earlier thar evening, when I was up to my elbows in delicious food preparations I had asked my overly responsible 8 year old to bathe the two smaller kids.  The situation was humorous.

I was getting panicked yelling from upstairs that first, Mia wouldn't get her hair wet, then someone dropped a towel in the water, then Hazel tinkled in the water, then Hazel was kicking her legs and wouldn't let Haley put a diaper on her.  All ended well though, I can assure you (though I had to rinse dried shampoo out of Mia's hair the next day.)

I would still ask her to do it again.  She really is quite reliable.

And this is what Haley brought downstairs after Hazel refused her diaper.

A hand towel, the little dear.

And today, after shoveling the blessed driveway for the tenth time this week, Abby and I made this as a surprise for when Clark gets home.  Arrruuuugga! Go Navy!

(It's a submarine, just in case you couldn't tell.)