I might just freak out.

We have been in Utah for almost 6 months. We are nearing the end...this statement alone makes my nerves twitch just a little. It means change is looming on the horizon. Change can be good...we usually look forward to change with excitement and anticipation. And indeed this change is a good one for many reasons...it is also a very scary one. You see, I have become accustomed to the fact that I am an almost 30 year old who has been living with my parents with three-and then four children. At least I wasn't living in their basement...and I did pay for food or gas occasionally. But I have been living in a house with three adults. That means two extra people helping me bathe, feed and care for three--then four children. I had companionship every day, all day. I don't like to be alone. I face moving to a new place (which can be good and fun but...) where I will be the lone responsible adult on the premises all day long. Don't get me wrong, my kids can be downright entertaining but do you know how nice it is to have the companionship of another adult around (and might I add fun places to eat? Do you remember the problem I have with Connecticut's selection of eateries?...there are none...and I will be living in reality again with a house payment and utilities...I won't be able to afford eating out at my desired frequency anymore anyway.)

I am truly blessed and grateful for my husband's job...but I really like to be with him. The job makes that difficult...sometimes for very long periods of time.

I am scared of the dark...I took comfort in these past months without a husband to snuggle at night in the scary dark of night, that my Mommy and Daddy were right downstairs (in case you were wondering, its a childhood fear that I simply never outgrew). Clark has duty from time to time, meaning he is essentially gone for a day and a half...I will have to invest in a new nightlight, a bright one...and think of some kind of weapon that will safely fit under my pillow for those lonely nights. And don't even get me started with deployments...I'm trying not to think about those right now.

I have been downright spoiled these last 6 months.

I am suddenly going to have to go back to being ultimately responsible for things like dishes, laundry, cooking dinner every night and picking up.

We are moving to a neighborhood that doesn't get high speed Internet...where are we going, Connecticut or Mars?

BUT lets end on an optimistic note:

We get Clark back.

I get to be married again to a loving, compassionate, fun husband. He is helpful and considerate. He misses his girls (ALMOST as much as we miss him).

I get to sleep in my comfy King sized bed again backed up to my live body pillow (aka Clark).

I won't feel horrible and stressed every time my kids do kid things (like run in the house and yell--though my parents repeatedly assure me that it is fine and it doesn't bother them...it bothers me.)

I'm anxious to see how many of my kids' bizarre and less than pleasant coping mechanisms fade away when we return to "normal life" and how many are now the "new norm". (Heaven help us all.)

I wonder if my parents have any idea the blessing it has been for us to be here. I know I don't thank them enough...neither do my kids.

I am not sure yet what that day will be like. Will I stride out of their door with Fraulein Maria's sunny optimism, singing and kicking my heels up or will I have to be pried from their front steps like a child that doesn't want to go to school? Only time will tell I suppose.