I allow myself too often to feel the frustration of being insufficient. It's my own fault, I realize this. I have high standards. There is so much to do...correction...there is so much I want to do. As the years continue to creep and sometimes speed past me, I am learning to magnify what I am capable of accomplishing and allowing it to "be enough". But I don't like my house being "clean enough" or my children being "entertained enough". I haven't scrapbooked in three years. I haven't served someone else for way too long. I haven't learned something enriching outside of PBS or making my kids smell good without actually bathing them. My blog lacks depth and introspective reflection...I am trying to journal my time as a mother of young children so as not to forget or lose this precious time to a horrid memory for details. I'll have to post an article that my sister sent me years ago...it's the reason I blog the way I do. For my birthday I am ordering a blog book that compiles and puts into published form my blogs...it is my journal of the day to day. I want to remember. So I blog somewhat regularly. Every two or three months I sit and compose a personal journal entry. It usually goes on for 6, 7, 8 pages to catch up but it is raw and so personal it's difficult for even me to read back on sometimes. Is it enough?
Do power bars supply us with more energy to teach, uplift, serve outside of my own home, clean, study scriptures, study anything else intellectual, enrich hobbies and pursue passions, and still have some left to watch a movie with a loved one at the end of the day? There has got to be a way besides Crystal Meth.
But in all seriousness, is it possible? I have it all, how can I do it all?
13 comments:
You can't do it all- you crazy girl. If you could you would not be human but an X-women-ish thing. Funny, but I look at you and all you do do and thing "how does she do it all so well?" It's a good thing we are not perfect now or there would be nothing to do when we die.
We are all "hopelessly flawed". Thank heavens.
We can't do it all and we aren't expected to do it all! I admit that I look at you and think how does she do all of it and do with such style? Maybe that is part of the problem we are quick to compare ourselves to others which always leaves us feeling inadequate.
I have just been having the same thoughts. It has been a particulary hard week--lots of things going on in the ward, and at home. It is so easy to feel insufficient. I feel it every day. I just try to remember that I just have to try my best everyday, and also remember that my best is different every day also. Some days I am amazing, and some days, my best is just getting dressed and feeding all the children.
Amen to everything. I swear I go to bed every night extremely frustrated at what I can't get done in a day (that's why I don't go to bed until way too late.). I haven't found my own solution yet, but I think I like what I just read from Elder Eyring. He suggested a prayer in the morning to discern which task, of all those we might choose, matters most to God and therefore to us. In his words, the most humble service is enough. I figure I can count doing the dishes and feeding my husband as part of that humble service. Love ya.
Oh, no you didn't!!!!
You better stop with this 'I'm Just Not Good Enough' crazy talk or I'm going to drag out my very long and repetitious "Time And Season" churchy speech. Yes, I will. Don't make me do it. Because I will. And then you'll be really, really sorry!!!!!
Feeling inadequate helps us remember we need Heavenly Father.
You sound like the poster child for young mothers--I can almost hear an older, wiser mom saying, "this is just what it's like at this stage, and you'll look back and see that it was indeed a job well done." I loved Megan's quote, btw.
Amen. I think we were seperated at birth. I think it's the perfectionist/people pleaser gene that some of us posses. I am simply not one of those people that can sit down at the end of the day and say, "Well, I did my best today and that is good enough." I have tried and am still trying to become this person...it's a life long struggle for me, I am afraid. I just try to breathe and look at my checked check list and smile.
I felt this crazyness times ten when Bridger was born. I couldn't do all I had done before in a single day. My mom (who is like you and me combined) told me to stop, where ever I am at noon, and think about all that I'd accomplished that day. Even if it was laundry, making the bed, and getting dressed, and to feel good that I had accomplish something.
Again, still trying!
I totally hear you.
Today I am pathetical(remember the unword that is actually a word?). I hope to be more soon. And usually I feel I am just not enough or that I don't do enough.
Yet, I have three happy kids who amaze me. And I hope to have had something to do with their happiness. I'm trying to remember to enjoy them now. Because right now is what I've got.
It's not what you didn't do, it's what you did do. The simplest lesson of the glass being half empty or half full is one of the hardest to learn. You have a very full, love filled life. And you are about to add to that (congrats on the little one by the way). We all look at you and through our eyes, there is nothing insufficient about you!
This is the "tired beyond belief and sick to boot" early days of pregnancy speaking. It will feel better soon...I promise.
i love your introspection....its true, you can't do it all, but we will all spend our lives trying to....now go out and serve someone! look around....who needs someone? who could use a friend? Now go!
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