Last weekend was one of those shining moments in family history. Everyone was cooperative and nice and cheery. We woke up Saturday morning, did chores and then had fun. It was a blissful day that I thoroughly enjoyed....again, we need those to remind us how much we like this life because let's face it, the day to day can get tough.We took the girls to see Mr. Bean's Holiday. I didn't used to think Mr. Bean was that funny, until I had kids...I suppose that maybe my sense of humor has...let's see, what's the opposite of "matured"...regressed? Now don't take offense if you have always love Mr. Bean...I did love the Christmas episode where he said "Christmas socks". Anyway, our outing to the theater started nice enough as the young clerk took is upon himself to give us a friendly discount. He told us that all of our kids looked 3, though we assured him that they were not. Oh well, two adult tickets it was. Mia was even well behaved through the movie. We laughed and giggled and laughed and enjoyed it together. And it made us happy.
BUT, one of the main points of my story is this: stay with me, in the end it was genuinely though provoking. The best part of the movie was when Haley dropped her CTR ring
into the popcorn. I didn't really think anything of it, we'd just find it at the bottom when we were done, until Clark so chivalrously pointed out the manner in which our three little ladies were scarfing popcorn puffs by the fistful. Worried that one of them might actually ingest the ring before we hit the bottom of the bag, we used the light from a cell phone and fished it out...Haley thought that was a fun game.
So then this is my thought process...heh, they could swallow the ring...I wonder if that's
dangerous?...then I laughed a little harder at the prospect that this little swallowed CTR ring might provide them with that little nagging feeling deep within to Choose the Right...but, was that the sort of "gut-wrenching" nagging feeling from the depths of their bowels the kind of poking nuisance that I wanted?...I somewhat quickly answered "no" and we proceeded with the search and rescue.But in all reality let me leave you on this note. How can we as parents...meaning, how capable are we and to what capacity is it possible that we instill in our children the genuine desire to do what is right? How do we strengthen their conscience, so to speak? It's the age old debate of nature versus nurture...Clark and I have the conversation frequently. To what degree can we influence and where does their innate personality take over? Human development was part of my major and I can tell you that it is a frustrating and un-answerable question. I suppose that is where we let the Spirit step in and guide us...and our faith in the Lord and the atonement allows us to let our children go.
So to drag down the lighthearted story with ponderings in parenthood...but I wonder?
10 comments:
I wish I knew the answer to this. I recently read a study that stated 85% of our personalities & characteristics come from "nurture" as in environment/family in which we grow up, rather than "nature." I was particularly interested in the statistics in terms of adoption, but alas I think it made a relevant point to this debate as well.
Personally, I guess we do our best to teach & be an example and then pray like crazy that it "took."
i'm glad no one ate the ring. that would not have been good. i'm impressed at the success of a movie with all 3 kids. i don't really want to do that again for awhile. mya can't focus for that long. and i'm not sure about your deep thoughts. i just know that we can't control everything, although we wish we could, and that in the end, we all have our agency. so as moms, we just do our best, say lots of prayers, and love them anyway.
In the Ensign this month it talks about having that loving relationship with our kids and making our home a heaven and our family a unified team, etc. It's good stuff.
The older Madelyn gets the more I worry about how adoption will play into what kind of choices our children will make in the future. As so the old Nature vs. Nurture I guess we just follow the counsel of "teaching correct principles and then letting them govern themselves" and when that time comes praying they decide to CTR.
I've watched the distinct difference between my children and found these little individuals have their agency early. My oldest is driven my the deep desire to choose right. My next one really couldn't care less, as long as he gets his way (and he likes to bully his way through). My parenting is constantly shifting to provide the best for each. So nature definitely plays a part. I'm all for letting the ring find it's way "through" you- and hopefully find a heavenly bath at the end.
Not that I am the all knowing one (by any stretch of the imagination) but I have always felt like it is just as important to explain why we do or do not do something as it is for them to know to do it or not do it... that way they have more to think about. (I hope that made sense.)
on the other hand it could become a great object lesson of making CTR a true part of ourselves!!
Or you can just do what I did and have naturally wonderful children!!! (I didn't have to do a thing...or course, now I can't take any credit for how well you all turned out,either)
Um, as the mother of a two year old, I'm not much help!! I was one of those kids who was VERY afraid of doing something wrong...I'm not sure why and I don't know what my parents did!
Way to go on taking the whole fam to the movies. I'm glad no one ate the CTR ring. :) I don't know the answer to that question either, but I wondered about it a lot... I guess really you do just have to trust in the lord, and say your prayers and work hard and do your best. I don't know.
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