A day.

Today brought with it many unexpected emotions.  I am tired.  Oh so tired.  Usually I try not to think about it but sometimes when I am finally sitting at my desk late at night it is hard to ignore.  Some nights, I ache from behind my eyes right down to the very core of my bones.  I am a retainer.  I retain tired until I know I can rest, I retain emotions until I can release them, I retain frustration to maintain patience.
We woke up this morning slowly.  It reaffirmed in my mind that I am ready for summer.  Ready for days like today.  Slow. Easy going.  We made our way to a small town nearby, a good ole town to watch their Memorial Day parade.  It's a big deal in their town and we had several friends marching in it.  It's not a grand affair except for the attendance.  The parade has no fancy floats or crazy costumes.  It is full of people.  People from the town.  The girl scouts, t ball teams, the historical society, the vets, the fire department, the marching bands.  The turnout for this parade is unreal.  Every group that passes gets applause from the sidelines, cheers and waves.  They handed out free American flags to everyone.  We waved them at everyone that passed. 
And you know what? I cried.  I cried behind my sunglasses.  Lots of times. 
People make me happy.  I wasn't expecting to be so moved by this holiday today.  But I was.  I cried at the cars carrying old men in uniforms, winking and waving at my daughters.  I cried at the fire department, men (representing the men in our own town of course) that have come to the aid of my family not once but twice in the last 6 weeks.  And I was grateful for the sort of person that chooses to do that.
The girls were wearing their little dog tags with Clark's picture on them around their necks today.  They stood there waving their American flags and smiling at the people passing by.  Every branch of the military was represented today, old and young.  I love people that serve.  Wave after wave of emotion hit me as I was grateful for people that serve.  And for the first time I felt justified in lumping Clark in there.  I honored him today among those people.  I missed him and longed for him to be a part of our happy, fun day.  But I was also proud of him, really really proud of him.

These people in the military, to many, and I would venture to say most, it is not just a job.  It is deep seeded patriotism.  The have feelings and emotions for what they do.  And they sacrifice, sometimes way more than what we can comprehend.  It's hard from this side.  Especially when we don't have communication he feels almost dead.  But I look around me and I have my family, and I have the girls, and I have church.  He sacrifices having all of those things to provide for his family, and to be active in a cause that he would die for.  I am grateful for this experience because I know I get him back.  I know that at the end of this separation I will have him back here with us, in our home and in our arms.  That is something that this experience has provided, the assurance that his presence will never be taken for granted, not ever.  So today has been an emotional day.  In a good way. 
It has made me more contemplative, more reflective and more grateful than I already was.

Tomorrow is our 10 year anniversary.  He has missed many and so they have often come and gone without a lot of fanfare.  Which is OK, I don't begrudge that.  But this feels like a monumental one to me.  10 years.  That's a lot of time and still not nearly enough.  Not even close.
Happy Memorial Day.  And Thank You to all those that serve, Thank You from the deepest part of my existence.
And to my husband of 10 years, I love you more than I could ever even hope to be able to express.

I have enjoyed this presentation of pictures this week, so touching.
And appreciated this new bit of knowledge too.