Calgon take me away.

Tonight I had a moment.  Let me set the stage.
Earlier today I had urged Mia to stop tapping me frantically on the arm when she needs my attention (a conversation I vaguely remember my own Mother having with me when I was young.) I think I am actually getting bruises from her "attention-getting-tapping".  It hurts.  My upper arms are tender.  I asked her, ever so kindly, to maybe just place her hand on my arm, or heck, even give it a little rub when she needs me to look at her.
So back to tonight.
I was standing at the sink doing dishes after dinner, Mia was violently rubbing my forearm waiting to tell me something, Haley and Abby were seeing how many verses of "Down By The Bay" they could come up with and the almost 2 year old was playing the recorder like an injured wood nymph as she stumbled around the kitchen in her completely unsnapped overalls.  I was successfully numbing my mind and concentrating really hard on ignoring it all.  Right about the time that Mia rubbed a hole in  my shirt I snapped out of it and suggested that they hop upstairs and get ready for bed.  Usually when I am making a conscious effort to stay patient I end up sounding more like a seriously repressed hippie on Valium, talking in a delicately hushed voice while squatting down and stroking their hair..."OK, darling, that is a lovely song, but maybe you could run along and get your pajamas on.  That's a good girl" while waving at their backs and quietly calling after them to "be sweet!" But I did it.  I feel so accomplished when I can make it through a circus like tonight without losing it.  So maybe I read a couple of extra stories to Hazel when putting her to bed...how could I not?  I was sitting in a quiet room with an overly comatose-like tired baby willing to cuddle on my lap while the other girls did something relatively quiet someplace else.  I milked that moment for all it's worth.
It was funny though.  As I was staring blankly through the dark window over the sink, wasting all sorts of water, I was telling myself to go to my happy place.  Ironically enough, my happy place was precisely where I was, only quieter, and a little cleaner (and about 20 feet over from where I was standing at the sink, to a nice comfy couch...maybe with a book, or a warm body to heat up my cold feet.) Heck, my happy place could even include my kids as long as they were doing something quiet-ish  and not slowly rubbing the hair off my forearm.  I had that reminder earlier today when driving my brother and his wife to the airport after spending a fun weekend with them.  I remember a family that we were friends with way back before we had kids.  They had four kids, totally energetic, fun and adorable.  We loved hanging out with them and babysitting but their house was nuts, loud and constantly moving.  When we would leave their house we would get into the car, shut the doors and sigh at the stillness.  My brother pointed out that even though our house is equally crazy and actively loud, it only takes a day before they are missing the girls again (I know, a whole day? Shame on them.)  I realized that it is the exact same with our situation now and with just about everything else that is difficult or challenging in my life.  The things that are the most difficult are also the most worth it.  The things that push me the hardest are the things that I want the most...and I wouldn't be capable of doing them if I didn't have a desire to be where I was.  So at least I know that I am where I want to be.  It's a reassuring thought because let's face it, the nitty gritty of the day to day can be awfully distracting sometimes.  So even though I have had a horribly unproductive week of mismanaged time and funky schedules, I will keep at it.  Because at the end of the day, the week, the month and the year I will regret nothing more than not taking advantage of every waking moment of my life.
So eventually they did get into their pajamas and possibly even got all those teeth brushed.  Then after they maxed out their "Olympic watching time" for the evening I listened to Haley's newly composed song "You're my wiggly tooth of happiness" with choreographed dance steps by Abby and loved them all over again.