you see this? i'm waving the white flag.

Directions: Take this post with a grain of salt...and then get back to me in three months.
We just got back from a delightful weekend trip to Washington D.C. to visit Spencer and Sho and celebrate the 4th of July in our Nation's capital. (Thanks to Spencer and Sho for the awesome pictures they took this weekend--I just wanted updated family pics to prove we had a new baby.) We drove there on Thursday night thus rendering the children unconscious for nearly the entire trip (an 8 hour drive once you add traffic through NYC and Philly, even when done in the middle of the night). Clark's brother Nolan (a good friend of my little bro) came with us and endured most of the trip with these little people in the back of the mini van...bonding with the girls. Needless to say, Nolan will not be having children anytime soon. But he was a champ right up through the last hour to home last night, holding the binky in the mouth of a crying baby and being poked by Abby's feet through his headrest, all to the chorus of cranky, whiny kids. I don't understand it...we invited him to stay for ice cream but he nimbly lept from our car into his truck upon pulling in the driveway. No doubt in a rush to get home to his bottle of Advil and quiet apartment.
It really was a fun trip. We watched the fireworks from the lawn on the mall right between the Washington monument and the reflecting pool. The show was spectacular...honestly the most amazing I've ever seen...even through the rain that we had on and off all day. The kids were troopers and loved it too! A totally good time.
HOWEVER, the point of this post is to share with all of you that I am losing my mind. Do you know that song "I'm going slightly mad?" I can't even remember who sings it though I can picture him in my head. But that shouldn't surprise you because I truly am losing all ability to recall basic information like what day it is, my children's names and how to form a coherent sentence. When I talk to people I feel like someone is poking a quadrant of my brain with a probe...my speech actually slurs on occasion while thinking of what words to use. It's a little embarrassing. This weekend in DC I experienced a first. We went to visit a cousin that I haven't seen in quite some time. We got to the door and said Hellos. It wasn't until I was going through my line up introducing little people that I realized we had left the baby in the car. Look, she was only 30 feet away and it had only been a minute but between three older kids and five adults that had gotten out of that car, she had been left behind. In my defense we were still trying to calm a fight between the older girls...someone bit someone else and Hazel had fallen into a peaceful and quiet sleep on the ride over. Then on Sunday I walked out the door and made it to church only to realize 25 minutes into the meeting that I had completely neglected to bring any kind of diaper bag. Nothing. Just forgot it altogether. Tonight while on the phone with my sister I started to tell her a story. I suppose I was filling in too many details and totally forgot the point of the story...right in the middle...even sitting here now I still can't remember, for the life of me, what I was going to tell her.

I was talking to my sister in law a few weeks ago and we were talking about this "transitional time" with a new baby. We were talking about how long it takes us to feel "normal" again. Do you know how long its been since I went the extra mile to make something really cute? or really fun? Case in point, Clark's Father's Day gift was given to him in a plastic Target bag. No cute card, nothing. I just don't have it in me. I've been in survival mode since Hazel was born. Granted we had a lot going on all at once. I have to keep reminding myself what I have said every time I've had a baby before--give it 6 months. It always takes me 6 months to get totally back into my groove. I can do the day to day stuff...I just don't have anything beyond that in me. So I keep telling myself over and over something that my sister in law's friend told her. It's great and very true. She said

"just put your hair in a ponytail. It's not your time. It will be your time again soon."

There is a light at the end of this greasy haired tunnel. Just try to avoid expecting anything cute or creative from me for another 2 months and 28 days. You can expect a lot more incoherent sentences, miscounted plates at the dinner table, keys locked in cars, half constructed blogging pages, random papers strewn about the house and little girls without shoes.

It's just not my time and that totally sucks.
(So my bro and sis in law took all the cool photos but I get to claim the one of Hazel...it makes me feel happier about this post.)