Permission to speak freely, Sir?

Last night we attended an awards ceremony for the crew of my husband's submarine, the USS* Annapoli*s. Following a 6 month deployment, this is an opportunity for the command to honor and thank individuals for exemplary work during the underway. Out of a crew of about 145, around 65 awards were given out last night.
I don't know that I can even accurately describe the surge of adrenaline I feel when I look at these men in uniform. Besides being handsome and clean cut, they stand straight and tall. They are focused and disciplined. They serve; they serve people who want them to and people who don't want them to. They are talented and trained in their specific field and they take pride in what they do. I just want to hug every single one of them and tell them how impressed I am. Mind you, there are a fair share of immature, inexperienced and amoral people in the military, as in any workplace. But for the better part they are admirable men.
Spending time with others in our situation and circumstance fill me with a sense of camaraderie and purpose. It invigorates me to do what is asked of our family to endure; long months of separation which brings with it a great spectrum of challenges for all of us.
I have spent the last several months telling people emphatically that I am done and ready to get out of the Navy. I don't hate the Navy. It has been our livelihood and I have loved being a part of it but I have just felt like it is time to be finished. This last deployment was probably the most difficult one yet. It was hard on Clark, it was hard on me and it was hard on our children. To some extent I know that all jobs are difficult and they all come with their unique sets of challenges. I was so sure that we were through and that I didn't want to do this anymore. And then we attend a function like this and I begin to question whether that is the best thing. It seems like the easiest thing. I find myself asking now if this is like other things in life that are the most challenging and the most rewarding. Clark has a talent for what he does. He is well suited for it and I truly feel that the Navy needs him, that he could and would do a tremendous job with his own command. That is important to me not only as a citizen of the United States but as his wife. I can't seem to weigh the consequences of this career in the same scale as our family's needs. They don't seem to even be in the same category so I am left feeling lost and confused as to where we should be. I am grateful that I will always have prayer and the ability to be lead to the right answer, even though that decision seems impossible right now.
In any case, we still have 2+ years and some 6+ months of separation to decide. Until then, wishing you fair winds and a following sea.

ODE TO THE LIEUTENANT:
Clark is a Lieutenant. He started his impressive career in the military as a midshipman at the Unite*d State*s Nava*l Academ*y where he was recruited to play football.
Last night he received a Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal for "Meritorious service while serving as the navigator on board the USS Annapolis...By his noteworthy accomplishments, perseverance, and devotion to duty, Lieutenant Scharman reflected credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the United States Naval Service." (I wish I could include all of the award and the specifics of what he did...it all sounds so important!)
I am married to an impressive and capable man who is a seriously hard worker, not just at work but in every aspect of his life.
Here is his "rack" that he wears on his uniform and what they are for:
Golden dolphin pin: qualified nuclea*r submarin*e officer
Navy Marine Corp commendation medal, Navy Marine Corp achievement medal (and a gold star for each additional one), Navy meritorious unit commendation, National defense service medal, global war on terroris*m service, Navy sea service deployment ribbon, expert rifleman medal, expert pistol medal and a silver submarin*e pin with a star for each completed strategic deterrent patrol on a nuclea*r ballisti*c missil*e submarin*e.
It's kind of like a really cool girl scout uniform but without the cookies and way tougher and more manly. (And incidentally, it's OK to tell him "nice rack".)

I have to admit, though I never realized it growing up, that I am a sucker for a man in uniform. I couldn't stop smiling at him yesterday in his spiffy whites. Though I do admit, one of my favorite parts of his uniform are his garters...Clark likes to correct me and call them "shirt stays" (like that somehow makes them less funny...although, I think it takes a real man to let his wife post a picture of his delicate ankles on the Internet wearing said garters...I mean, shirt stays.)




I love this man. I love spending time with him. I love that after 8 years of marriage he can still impress me. I love that he adores our girls and that they dote on him. I love to be with him. He makes everything more fun when he is there. I am grateful for such hard work and effort he makes to support our family while doing something so important. I am grateful to be married to a man with such standards, integrity and determination. But I am also grateful to be married to someone so funny and likable with a talent for making the people around him feel comfortable and happy; a man with a lot of passion for the things in his life and a drive to achieve what is most important to him. I love you Clark!