You know, I wish we could all realize that we having nothing to lose by telling the truth. There are worse things out there than people knowing our insecurities and our vulnerabilities. That doesn’t mean that we have to share personal things with the world through blogs or from a pulpit…some things are truly none of anyone’s business. But there is an appropriate time and place [and person] with which to share the truth…the entire truth; the naked, bare and sincere truth.
Perhaps one of the greatest things I have learned in the last couple of years is this: By not sharing certain truths, we deprive ourselves and the people around us the opportunity for growth, greater compassion and greater understanding and possibly the opportunity to change.
I don’t fully understand why so many of us hesitate to divulge the truth with each other. You may think that sounds naïve…and I’m sure that there are dynamics that I haven’t considered and situations where the “whole truth” may do more harm than good. I just wish people weren’t so dang scared to be honest…sometimes especially with themselves.
This thought process came about because of a recent conversation I had with a good friend where we discussed, among other things, the disappointment and setback it is to deny people the opportunity to experience the raw truths of life…an opportunity for ourselves and others to broaden our perspective and understanding of the realities of life around us. I can tell you that in the last two years I have been told some pretty crazy things; things about people that I never could have imagined or guessed. But do you know what? Instead of being judgmental and critical I have found myself more in awe of what the people around me are asked to endure. It has made me more compassionate, understanding and forgiving.
I feel as though I have jumped around a bit. I do hate it when people lie…in my mind, there is rarely a situation that calls for it. I think I am really talking about not sharing the entire story with those that it may influence. This could be a gray area because as human beings, we deem anything that we do to be personal and private; we tend to deny how many people around us are influenced by what we do and say each day of our lives. The truth of that is, unless you are an orphaned hermit hat lives alone in the wilderness, what you do affects other people, possibly lots of people.
I hope you take this with a grain of salt. I realize it sounds as though I take both sides…some things are meant to be kept private and respected and some things are meant to be shared, even if it means coming to terms with truths about yourself or others that you don’t want to believe. There are family member, friends and loved ones everywhere that keep so much to themselves, and they end up dealing with it by themselves.
I respect the position of others and I’m certain that there are many that disagree with my opinions. But I hope to be able to surround myself, including myself, with people that are willing to be a little more open, a little more caring and a little more honest both with those around us and with ourselves. A little self examination can be a good thing.
I wish that I could express what I really mean more clearly. Instead they sound vague, or hypocritical. I think perhaps it's because I am talking about a couple of different things--but hopefully in the same vein. I am interested in what you have to say...and perhaps I can clarify better what I mean.
Have I beat this horse too far? All I’m saying is, that’s how I feel about it.
19 comments:
Truth #1: There is mold on the shower curtain in the kids bathroom.
Truth #2: I am giddy with excitement to be the first comment.
Truth #3: ...will have to wait, cuz I've got to post or someone will beat me to 1st.
I kind of understand what you mean. There have been times when life has really hard for me, or things going on that were hard. I would think to myself, am I just a baby? I am a loser because this is hard for me? Then I would hear another person, whom I respected, express their hard times, or things they struggled with. I didn't think that person was weak, it just made me realize that we all have weaknesses, and really, we should all just be there to help each other out.
I think we all tend to sugar coat things so we look better, or the other extreme, we make it look like we are not doing as good as we really are. So..I'm with you, lets all just let it out there, (when appropiate right? Tact is a good thing)and then be there for each other.
And, did I tell you that Megs had to head home right after we visited you? Ian was admitted to the hospital...I have been so sad! So...let take the kids out to luch one of these last long days before your hubby gets home!
All I know is that I try to be honest. Lots of times I'm considered too honest-so I understand why some things get sugar coated. People get their feelings hurt in all kinds of ways, sometimes with too much truth and sometimes because of not enough truth. This is a hard one. And if this has nothing to do with what you were trying to say than just delete my comment! :)
Early in life I decided I would never lie. But then there were always special circumstances that warranted a cover up or a light to heavy coating of sugar. By the end of my first year of college I think I realized it is really all or nothing, as in, you are either telling the truth or not. I think I found that when I told 'ha;f-truths' or only part of the story, what I ended up doing was telling a lie to myself, which I would then believe and felt it necessary to defend.
Here's one truth no one asked for: I keep saying "tell a lie" because I don't know how to spell lie with -ing.....
I appreciate all of your comments thus far...I think you are getting the gist of what I mean. Thanks.
i know that bugs me too!!! and how do you get so smart and wise! i swear one day people are going to be quoting you and all the wonderful wise things you say!! and i think you always say everything very clearly with a beutiful choice of words!! and thanks soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for changing my blog! i sooooooooooooooooo appreciate it!! tell the girls hi for me!!! :)
hey go back to your last blog(bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen) and read my comment! it is kinda long but very good! :)
I sometimes feel like I shouldn't tell the whole story because the person I am speaking to really isn't up to hearing the whole truth, does that make sense? Sometimes when something is going on that is hard I don't want to share it all because the "all" so to speak is overwhelming and explaining it to someone else is too overhwleming at that moment. I believe in telling the truth. I have learned some hard lessons about what happens when you don't tell the complete truth. But like you said there are times when in my opinion it is best to only share a part of something. Sometimes other people don't deserve the whole story because to them it is just that a story. They don't learn or gain from your emotional trama so why share it with them? Sorry for such a long post.
By the way I love Come back to Texas and every time I hear it I think of you and Clark!
I get what you are saying--don't be afraid to share the sad things that happen to us. We all want to cover up the bad, as Jessica mentioned above, to make ourselved look better. If we all opened up about our insecurities, then we would realize that no one is perfect and hence be able to share. It is a vicious cycle that more than one has to take part in....now I'm not making sense. I, too, wish the skeletons in peoples closet would come out, if only so they wouldn't feel alone and realize they aren't the only ones with skeletons. We are placed on this earth to learn from and to help each other. LOve you, Em. Great writing.
I know a family who's lives were just ruined because the dad was too afraid to tell the truth for the last 16 years. He recently confessed the truth, or part of it, and left his family. If he had talked about problems as they came up instead of trying to appear perfect on his own without help from anyone, maybe he could have avoided becoming the person he has become. Woe unto the liar. Good to be reminded sometimes. Thanks.
I think there could be a fine line that we can learn which helps us know how MUCH truth to share. Lies = bad. It's a commandment. But telling too much truth can be hurtful to some people. Breaking confidences even when you weren't exactly sworn to secrecy. Your own problems are often someone else's problems too, so there still should be real discretion sometimes.
I agree with the general thought process here, but I just don't think there's a black and white answer to this one.
I understand what you are saying. There is a fine line and we need to be careful, but some things need to be shared. I know I have a hard time sharing certain things and being totally honest, but as I get older I am learning how to express my honest thoughts and feelings. Isn't that how we get closer to one another - when we can be our total true selves with those we love. I am also in awe of people that have had to deal with alot of things whether it be temptations or serious problems. I have compassion and want to see them succeed. Thanks for making me think-Kim
I live with a child who lies to me just about every day. I hate it. It taints everything in our relationship.
I remember when I first moved to where Suzie is now. Someone teaching a RS lesson mentioned something about a family member with a substance abuse problem. I felt shocked and started looking around for people to be pulling out their cells and texting someone. In the stake I grew up in and the ward I first moved to, people were SO judgemental that you never, ever admitted to any sort of weakness, even if people need to hear about it and learn from each other. But, in this new ward, people were nodding their heads sympathetically and voicing their problems and concerns with themselves and their families. It was such an awesome feeling!
My dad always used to tell us that nothing was worse than a liar or a thief.(Indeed, you can break down most of the commandments into those two things) I am teaching our girls that they need to tell us the truth, it will help things to go easier.
PS, as for people confessing things, my attitude is just There, but for the grace of God, go I. Let me know how I can help.
I have been mulling over this post for a few days now -still not quite sure what you're getting at -maybe I'm shallow, maybe honest, probably both. I 100% agree with telling the truth, but I disagree with wearing it on your sleeve. I always tell the truth other than the times I answer "How are you doing?" with "Good", when I'm really not. In our society that's a greeting not a real question. I also disagree with a feeling of entitlement to things that one may feel pertains to us. You have to earn that privelege. Prove yourself trustworthy, prove you really care. Many are just hungry for gossip, so lips may be tight until sure that those types have been weeded out. Same goes for the "How ya doing?" thing. I will gladly share how I'm really doing, but only if you really care to know. If we were more truly caring people, I'm sure many more would find honesty a little easier. There are also times when the "whole truth" can bring others down instead of encouraging them. I think it's our responsibility to lift each other up whether that calls for bringing one of those skeletons out of the closet, or keeping ones mouth shut. Sorry Em, I may disagree, but good thought provoking post!
I really do appreciate everyone's comments. I have good friends and family.
I'm a totally honest person. If anyone were to accuse me of lying it makes me angry. As far as divulging certain things, especially personal things I don't necessarily fear it, but I fear what someone will do with the information, how they react, or what they will think. You have a good point though, by not telling certain things that others could benefit from you're denying those around you the opportunities of compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Maybe I care too much of others judgements and thoughts.
I have also been thinking about your post and reading all the comments and I think brett & amy said it best for my opionions, I agree you should be honest, but I don't think anyone is entitled to experiences or things that people are going through, as for many of the reasons brett & amy stated but also I think somethings people may not want to share (or I may not want to share) with the world, with friends or with family because either I don't want to thing about, I don't want to hear encouragment, sympathy, emphathy, or any similarities.
There are things that when the time is right should be shared because they would help with one another's growth and experiences but for every person when that time is will be very different and just because it isn't shared shouldn't have offense taken the relationships should just be developed and worked on.
That probably makes no sense but it's just my opionion and you can feel free to delete.
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