I could start out with a list of excuses. I usually have a few up my sleeve. And by that I don't intend to imply that they are made up at all, I just always have a few.
In elementary school the nurse and I were tight. I suspect I had some anxiety issues very early on as she and I were well acquainted since I went every single day. I would go in with a stomach ache, call my Mom, maybe cry a little and get my little hiny back to class where everything was fine. In any case, I used to present her with options of what was wrong and she would sigh and tell me to just choose one. I'm not sure why that bothered her so much. When I go to the doctor and they ask me to rate my pain I always give them 2 numbers. Maybe I have commitment issues or maybe I just want them to be the one to choose. "Eh, it's a 4 or a 5". Or sometimes I just tell them that as someone that has experienced pleurisy, kidney stones and birth, is it really fair to ask about my pain relative to past experience?
I digress. In fact, I may have completely forgotten what my point was. Give me a minute, it will come back.
OH, excuses for not blogging. Take your pick.
1. Nothing interesting to write about.
2. First trimester induced "lack of care" factor/the feeling like I want to gag. (Written way back in the first trimester, remember that? Yucky, sick first trimester? Still tired as all get out, just not so sick anymore...)
3. In a frenzy to be ready for Christmas (because I swore to myself that for cousin exchange, on both sides, I would make all the gifts by hand and try to not purchase anything. It almost worked.)
Let's just take #3 for a moment and discuss. Last night I was sitting and working on a project. I was caught between the feelings of being overwhelmed by all there is to do to get ready for Christmas and then quickly realizing that I liked it. I like being busy. I like creating. I like thinking about loved ones that I don't get to see nearly enough and I was actually happy about the hustle and bustle. Maybe it's because this year I have become so comfortable in my bubble of not doing anything to get through the first trimester that I have stopped thinking so much about what other people do and how I don't measure up to them or my own "normally much higher" standards. In church on Sunday (where I am serving in a new position with the young women, girls ages 12-18) we were talking about loving yourself and those around you. I came to the obvious realization that a real and genuine love of oneself (and others) never comes from the element of comparison. That's just not how it works and it's not the way it should work.
I am comfortable with that. I like that and I am grateful that after 33 years, with just glimpses of that here and there I can really truly be comfortable in my own skin, with my own life, my own set of talents and struggles. I am comfortable and content.
I am grateful for this bumpy time in my life because I have been forced to slow down and simplify. I repeat that mantra of my sister in law's friend (I told you about it forever ago), "just put your hair in a pony tail, it's not your time. It will be your time again, just not now." That simple phrase "it's just not your time right now" has really changed my perspective in a big way.
I am allowing myself more time to rest. I am allowing the laundry to pile up (which really doesn't make me happy in the end but I have to be OK with that some days). I am allowing my house to sit below the normal standard. It will be for a while. I have 4 months more of this pregnancy to go and many more months of newborn craziness after that. It's just not my time to shine right now. It's my time to focus on other things. I hate the clutter in the house but I am learning to let it go because I know it's not going to be like this forever (I hope.)
We don't do a lot of sports and activities, intentionally. I just don't want us all doing a million different things. I want to do just a couple of things and really invest in them, and each other. We already have plenty of things to keep us busy, lots of obligations and responsibilities. I don't want to be paying money to have more.
I knew being pregnant was hard. I have related before, my feelings of frustration over this "hiatus" that becomes my life. Making things cute, going the extra mile, serving others, just giving that extra little something.
It's not my time.
In my age and experience as a mother and wife I feel as though I can not only understand that at this point, but I can embrace it and actually appreciate it.
It's nature's way of telling me to stop everything and just let our life revolve around us and our home, our relationships and the little people. Believe me, a lot of that still gets overlooked but that comes with the territory of having a big family. I worry about it. I stress about it. But I appreciate the fact that its a lesson for all of us. I want my kids to feel like they are a part of something bigger than just themselves. They will have plenty of time in their lives to discover who they are all along the way. But right now and in some situations more than others, I want them to realize that they are just a part of a whole. That we work together for a common good. That we help one another, serve and support one another. It will teach them invaluable lessons of compassion, empathy and sympathy and the blessings that come from loving and serving others....started in their own family.
I sometimes hear or read what other people are up to and I feel overwhelmed and then I remember, to everything there is a season. We'll keep on, keepin' on and occasionally I will get things organized and put away the way I like it. But most days, I will put that hair in a pony tail and be content with the way things are because for better or worse, it won't be like this forever.
In elementary school the nurse and I were tight. I suspect I had some anxiety issues very early on as she and I were well acquainted since I went every single day. I would go in with a stomach ache, call my Mom, maybe cry a little and get my little hiny back to class where everything was fine. In any case, I used to present her with options of what was wrong and she would sigh and tell me to just choose one. I'm not sure why that bothered her so much. When I go to the doctor and they ask me to rate my pain I always give them 2 numbers. Maybe I have commitment issues or maybe I just want them to be the one to choose. "Eh, it's a 4 or a 5". Or sometimes I just tell them that as someone that has experienced pleurisy, kidney stones and birth, is it really fair to ask about my pain relative to past experience?
I digress. In fact, I may have completely forgotten what my point was. Give me a minute, it will come back.
OH, excuses for not blogging. Take your pick.
1. Nothing interesting to write about.
2. First trimester induced "lack of care" factor/the feeling like I want to gag. (Written way back in the first trimester, remember that? Yucky, sick first trimester? Still tired as all get out, just not so sick anymore...)
3. In a frenzy to be ready for Christmas (because I swore to myself that for cousin exchange, on both sides, I would make all the gifts by hand and try to not purchase anything. It almost worked.)
Let's just take #3 for a moment and discuss. Last night I was sitting and working on a project. I was caught between the feelings of being overwhelmed by all there is to do to get ready for Christmas and then quickly realizing that I liked it. I like being busy. I like creating. I like thinking about loved ones that I don't get to see nearly enough and I was actually happy about the hustle and bustle. Maybe it's because this year I have become so comfortable in my bubble of not doing anything to get through the first trimester that I have stopped thinking so much about what other people do and how I don't measure up to them or my own "normally much higher" standards. In church on Sunday (where I am serving in a new position with the young women, girls ages 12-18) we were talking about loving yourself and those around you. I came to the obvious realization that a real and genuine love of oneself (and others) never comes from the element of comparison. That's just not how it works and it's not the way it should work.
I am comfortable with that. I like that and I am grateful that after 33 years, with just glimpses of that here and there I can really truly be comfortable in my own skin, with my own life, my own set of talents and struggles. I am comfortable and content.
I am grateful for this bumpy time in my life because I have been forced to slow down and simplify. I repeat that mantra of my sister in law's friend (I told you about it forever ago), "just put your hair in a pony tail, it's not your time. It will be your time again, just not now." That simple phrase "it's just not your time right now" has really changed my perspective in a big way.
I am allowing myself more time to rest. I am allowing the laundry to pile up (which really doesn't make me happy in the end but I have to be OK with that some days). I am allowing my house to sit below the normal standard. It will be for a while. I have 4 months more of this pregnancy to go and many more months of newborn craziness after that. It's just not my time to shine right now. It's my time to focus on other things. I hate the clutter in the house but I am learning to let it go because I know it's not going to be like this forever (I hope.)
We don't do a lot of sports and activities, intentionally. I just don't want us all doing a million different things. I want to do just a couple of things and really invest in them, and each other. We already have plenty of things to keep us busy, lots of obligations and responsibilities. I don't want to be paying money to have more.
I knew being pregnant was hard. I have related before, my feelings of frustration over this "hiatus" that becomes my life. Making things cute, going the extra mile, serving others, just giving that extra little something.
It's not my time.
In my age and experience as a mother and wife I feel as though I can not only understand that at this point, but I can embrace it and actually appreciate it.
It's nature's way of telling me to stop everything and just let our life revolve around us and our home, our relationships and the little people. Believe me, a lot of that still gets overlooked but that comes with the territory of having a big family. I worry about it. I stress about it. But I appreciate the fact that its a lesson for all of us. I want my kids to feel like they are a part of something bigger than just themselves. They will have plenty of time in their lives to discover who they are all along the way. But right now and in some situations more than others, I want them to realize that they are just a part of a whole. That we work together for a common good. That we help one another, serve and support one another. It will teach them invaluable lessons of compassion, empathy and sympathy and the blessings that come from loving and serving others....started in their own family.
I sometimes hear or read what other people are up to and I feel overwhelmed and then I remember, to everything there is a season. We'll keep on, keepin' on and occasionally I will get things organized and put away the way I like it. But most days, I will put that hair in a pony tail and be content with the way things are because for better or worse, it won't be like this forever.
9 comments:
See, and now you are just making pony tails seem frumpy, when I know they can be pretty darn cute.
I'm glad you can relax in your own skin. Not an easy task in this crazed media-driven society.
And you must know what you are having by now, right? Did you decide not to find out? Scandalous.
No, it won't be like this forever.
I still want to de-junk a room every now and then though :)
Really likes this post. I felt like it so related to me. Life with 5 kids and one being a baby does force you to slow down. I have honestly been feeling like I am not doing enough for others and lots of areas in my life are lacking so thanks for reminding me that it is ok.
Great thoughts, but I want to remind you that if we have 5 months left before our baby, then you must have more than that...oh no! We're going to have another baby soon!
I'm having and little problem sleeping tonight, so I found myself reading blogs instead. My adult A.D.D. told me to just look at your pictures instead of read your post but I decided that I needed someone with a good head on her shoulders to give me some good advice. And... I was right, you often remind me of what is important. So thank you for that. You have such cute girls and so happy for you and your sister- what a blessing to be having babies at the same time!
And BTW, I recently ran my first 1/2 marathon and I cried at about mile 8 because I realized that "it was my turn/my time." And another thing?... I got tickets to Coldplay for Eric and I- ALONE. IN SEATTLE. See? Now and then I do get glimpses of "my turn". So, thanks again for the reminder to be at home with my little ones, ... enjoying each and every moment. (Should I keep going to see how long this comment can really be????)
Love it, love it. Love the ebb and flow - it's part of life, and a good part. No excuses necessary.
Great and wonderful post. I agree. I look at all the messes in my home and thing of all the things that I would like to do, and that is when I am so frustrated. When I concentrate on my kiddos, things are better-- not perfect, but better!!!
I am still nodding, nodding with such understanding of everything you just wrote. There is a time, for everything, that matters. Your pregnancies seem to be pretty close to what mine are like. Hope this second trimester gives you more energy. You are so right about how the trying times are part of life, and a good part too, because going through the fire refines us. It reminds us, once we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, all those things taken from us are not what mattered anyway.
But it is so annoying and difficult when you are in the midst of it, with an extra dash of chaos throw in, isn't it?
Bless you and your gaggle of girls.
Leah
Very well said. I may print this out, post it by my bed, and have it become my mantra. And just when you think you are about to cut off the ponytail and move on, something changes and you realize ponytails and piles of laundry really may be where it is at after all.
Post a Comment