This is how I feel about Walmart. Let's just get it out in the open. I am a Targetarian, all the way. (I wish I could find the link to my sister's blog a while back about it being a sort of religion. It is, you know.) I don't care if you shop there or not. You all know what I mean. Walmart is a must because there are simply some things that just cannot be picked up anywhere else (and by picked up, I am referring to food or household goods, not diseases, though I wouldn't discount that either.)
My sister affectionately named it Waldemort...as in "the store that shall not be named". It makes me feel dirty. I tend to give my hands (and the hands of those accompanying me) a double dose of antibacterial gel when we leave, that and a shudder of the shoulders. And without fail, here are the things you can expect to see at any Walmart, in any part of the country, after 2 in the afternoon.
One or more of the following:
child/children without shoes walking around
a parent yelling inappropriately loud at a small child
parents yanking, pulling, pushing or spanking a child
lots of foul language from young and old alike
an underage person buying something from the phylactery isle
people eating unpurchased food
someone picking and or eating boogers
someone scratching their crotch without being subtle
wedgie picking
Clark and I had our special Valentine's date last night. We indulged in our once-a-year-extravagant meal and then made the stop at Walmart on our way home to pick up some Valentines for the girls. I had recently made a visit to this particular store only to realize that it had been recently renovated, and actually kind of..nice. So I said, why not?
It was only 8pm and we witnessed:
more people in sweatpants/pajamas than a Richard Simmons video
a young teenager putting a pregnancy test into her mother's shopping cart (after yelling rather loudly to her younger sister to F@*% off...come on, her sister did pinch her)
one mother yelling at her child to get off the floor
one father yelling at the same child to get off the floor (at least they were united in their parenting cause...)
one mother spanking her child at the checkout
and our favorite, one mother lovingly zipping up her child's coat with a freshly lit cigarette dangling from her lips (we had fun with that one. imagine your raspiest, smoker's voice "we just want to keep you warm and healthy little one", cough, hack, sputter, spit..."now let's go strap you into the car and close the windows while I suck down the rest of this cigarette")
So, I am like a dog to it's vomit. I will keep going back no matter how much disdain I hold for it. And hey, let's face it, some days my kids are dirty and have no shoes...I may even be wearing sweatpants...I know the perfect place to pick up those last minute essentials. "Come on kids, we're going to Walmart!!"
25 comments:
Sorry to say one of the words Andrew can say the most clear is Wal Mart.
I watched a special on why Walmart is so evil. First, they are horrible to their employees, they are bad for small business owners, they get special treatment from local government, which then helps to run small grocery chains out of business, they are horrible on the environment, and most of the merchandise they sell is made in some sweat shop in a far distant foreign country. I TRY very hard to stay away for all the reasons I just listed PLUS all the ones you listed. But like you I find myself there walking around filling up a basket. It is CHEAP, and sometimes at then end of the month when my budget is about gone...I NEED cheap. I suppose I am a dog just like you!
Well said. In case you find yourselves stationed in Hawaii, just be forewarned that the only big box chain is Walmart. Target does not exist in paradise. :(
WOW! I don't want to go to your Walmart. I would have to say that honestly our Walmart shoppers are practically the same as our Target shoppers. I would say that of the two Target would be more likely to have questionable customers. It is due to the location of the two stores, Walmart in a county and Target in a city. With the exception of children with no shoes on and children in PJs (both of those times it was my own child, but I always keep my shoeless child in the cart.)I haven't noticed your above mentioned things. We must be lucky or maybe we are just stressed out to notice.
No Target here-- I am so sad about it-- thank heavens for online shopping. I really hate the "Devil Store" as we call it, for the same reasons. Funny Funny blog!
Jenny asked the other day, "Mom, do we have to go to the yucky store? You know the one we don't like?" She was talking about WalMart. I told her, "No dear, we don't go there."
Megan, not Maddy. Maddy doesn't have any children.
Do we shop at the same WalMart? Because I swear I haven't really noticed it being so bad. Maybe I am desensitized because I was born 1/2 away from the 1st WalMart and have been going there my whole life? I am a huge WalMart fan, but lets not start debating, because I will fight for my religion, er, store preference. Can we still be friends, though?
I NEVER go to Walmart. I seriously haven't been since Sis had been born...over a year ago. One good thing about Walmart-You always feel a lot better about yourself as a person/parent after going and observing others!
You nailed it.
Do you realize what a gift you have for capturing the exact feel and sense of a place with your description? I stand in awe of your ability. Now will you come write my research paper for me?
emily you have no idea how up my alley this blog is?!! you couldn't have put it into better words!! I rather dislike walmart too! it is so...just...i don't know! you said it all! and i usually keep from going as much as possible!! which mean i never go! the only reason i would go is because payless is right next door! :) so thank you for sharing my dislike for walmart! we are truely closer now! haha! :D
I would just like to say that I can still fully embrace and love those who shop at Wal Mart. I am no respecter of shoppers...mostly.
First of all, neither myself or my husband know what is on the phylactery (a)isle, can you inform us?
I used to get annoyed with wal mart haters, but how can I get annoyed with you, my friend?
I must say I read through your list and don't think I regularly see people fitting that description, any more than other places I go. It does seem less clean as the bright and red Target, and surely Target is more FUN to go to for window shopping, but I am quite dissatisfied with Targets food items.
Although I find myself more often at Target these days than wal mart, I am a self proclaimed wal mart lover.
Sorry, but I can't resist ...Is there really a phylactery aisle in your Walmart? Do you have a large Jewish population there? I know the word you were avoiding...but maybe you meant prophylactics?
I hardly ever go to Walmart unless I have too. I am a TARGET girl all the way. Love Target. They built one about 2 mins from my house and my girls beg to go to Target.
OK, I am dying laughing and trying not to be too embarrassed that I wrote phylactery instead of "prophylactics". Shame on the rest of you for not catching that...or just being too scared to tell me that I am a dodo bird. Mom, you are too well read on Jewish custom. Yes, I meant PROphylactics...I have never seen teenagers by phylacteries from WalMart.
For clarification sake:
A phylactery is a Jewish prayer box.
Prophylactics are contraceptives.
Mo you are so smart.
Further clarification would be that yes, indeed, there are a precious few WalMarts out there not riddled with craziness. They are clean and organized...but I'm afraid my dislike is just ingrained in me...but like I said, I will slink around the isles from time to time getting those things that can only by got there.
Am I beginning to sound insecure about my declaration?...or maybe I just like to see lots of comments...even if they are my own.
Oh Emily, perfect! I visualized that all in my head and you are spot on. I feel blessed to have not one, but 3 targets within 5 miles of my home. Lest we not forget the last time I was there with Andrew and a woman in a full on Burka with the slit for her eyes (and tennis shoes) walked by. Andrew said she was Creepy!For some reason the Muslims really like the WalMart in this part of town. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
That was high-larious! I miss you!
I remember a friend referring to Wal-Mart itself, as birth control. I'm right there with ya on the p.j.'s in public. I abhor it. (Is that a word.. and is it spelled wrong? Get "Mo" on it..) We just so happen to be have the only trailer in our town, next door.. and the very unkept "couple" that lives there likes to smoke, on the front porch, in their matching Bud Light (or is it Michelob?) jammy pants, at like, 4 in the afternoon. It's cute.
I'm sure there is a store somewhere on this earth where teenagers browse the phylactery isle, dreaming of their post-bar mitzvah futures...
Fact: Wal-Mart represents the decay of western society. That's not to say we don't all make mistakes. (Someday I'll tell about how I got my baby's picture taken there in front of a snowy Christmas backdrop).
So well said. When our Wal-Mart store opened, it stayed nice for maybe 5 minutes and then we were right back to where we started from. My doctor flat out asked me if I shopped at Wal-Mart when I showed up with a raging case of giardia at his office. And yet I keep returning...like dog to vomit. Sigh.
i have had similar experiences at walmart (once someone vomited right in front of me - and once an employee repeated blew on my baby (!!!)) and decided to stop going there. in the past 2 years i've only been to walmart (out of necessity, like someone is sick and i had to make a midnight run, etc.) like 3 times. and i don't miss it at all.
they really are a terrible company to support, and when you spend money there you support them. i wish people would stop looking at them as a necessary evil. they're not necessary. anything you can get there you can get somewhere else. sometimes even cheaper.
reading the comments were just as fun as reading the post. enjoyable regardless where you all shop!
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