I'm pretty sure I'm stuck between stages of grieving but I'm not sure which ones. Also the stages of quarantine grieving are messed up, and out of order, and cyclical and dumb. It's almost 11:00 and I feel like I don't know what to do with my life. It will be fine in like an hour. It's because I didn't adhere to my own structure of getting up and putting real clothes on right away. And most definitely the whole day is a wash because I haven't made my bed yet or learned how to can vegetables that I grew myself.
These are your choices - and I usually feel both at some point during the day...and yes I DID take the time to google pictures then put them in a grid just for this entry, I got time. Or may be I woke up in a funk because Clark and I have been binge watching The Tiger King of Netflix. So I guess I can consider that compared to some, I am fairly sane and "normal", whatever that means. Also its a horrible show with sad sad people that make really bad decisions and their language is so bad that we have spent the better part of the last couple of episodes fast forwarding to the end where basically we are going to find out that there is no definitive conclusion at all...why am I doing this to myself?! The minute I figured out that there was no resolution to The Stairs or Making of a Murder, I stopped watching. I don't need that kind of cliff hanger in my life. Also I'm finding that true crime stuff is not really my jam. Maybe it's time to pick up a book again, it's been a few weeks.
It's a roller coaster folks. I think I need some fresh air...which reminds me, I haven't taken the dog out yet this morning for a proper business stroll around the yard.
Here are some things I have learned but really already knew.
If I don't wake up before the boys then they will do something that I will most likely roll my eyes at but doesn't bother me enough to actually get up before them. Things like watching You Tube videos of other people playing video games or eating cereal out of giant bowls with no milk and no clothes.
Remember a couple of summers ago when I was waking up an hour before the house so I could read my scriptures and get ready for the day? Where is that person? I could use her help right about now, the dog needs to go out.
Let it be stated (again) in the record that I am a horrid curmudgeon and hater of fun because I think April Fools Day is lame. My poor kids know this and so if they must do some kind of prank, and they must, they do it without fanfare. Hazel came wandering into the room ever so calmly to show me her handwork. And then spent the next three hours creating horrid open wounds on the boys...but it kept everyone happy AND she got to check "sibling activity" off of her to do list, everyone wins.
I ripped March off the wall calendar yesterday...just tell me that blank calendar doesn't make you want to...I can't really think of what it makes me want to do, nothing? anything? Also I have found that it doesn't really help to write the one or two things on the calendar that actually have to happen at a specific time because I have no idea what the heck day it is anyway. And I don't use the calendar on my phone because I just don't so don't tell me to.
I did manage to finally get a chart done. I fully concede that this chart doesn't really make a huge difference in how easily, or smoothly things get accomplished. It is purely a coping mechanism for me. When I feel a shift or loss of control I seek order and organization with cute labels and probably a laminator. I've been eyeballing the pantry next...
Yesterday the girls painted for several hours. I can get behind that, except they are using up my wood from the garage. It's fine, it's all fine. I appreciate how creative and talented they all are. Yesterday was decidedly more productive than today....so far.
Jonah did his first classroom meeting today. His lovely teacher wanted them all to be able to see their friends and it was adorable. Except Jonah had a really hard time sitting still. School is out for the rest of the school year and I love that their teachers care so much that they won't see their students. I know that they worry about them and are doing everything they can to help facilitate their learning as much as they can. I am getting approximately 5,000 e mails a day for this reason and when I start to feel a tad overwhelmed by organizing all this academia, I remember that it was my choice to have so many dang kids in the first place. It's fine, it's all fine.
Jonah kept hopping off of his chair and doing push ups on the floor to impress his class. If this is what his teacher was having to deal with then bless her. Truly.
OK, I will probably make a to do list now just to be able to leave the office. It will include minute details like take the dog outside and breathe, just so I can recognize the number of things I do a day and why everything takes so long. Eventually I will get dressed and even make my bed.
It's fine, it's all fine.
These are your choices - and I usually feel both at some point during the day...and yes I DID take the time to google pictures then put them in a grid just for this entry, I got time. Or may be I woke up in a funk because Clark and I have been binge watching The Tiger King of Netflix. So I guess I can consider that compared to some, I am fairly sane and "normal", whatever that means. Also its a horrible show with sad sad people that make really bad decisions and their language is so bad that we have spent the better part of the last couple of episodes fast forwarding to the end where basically we are going to find out that there is no definitive conclusion at all...why am I doing this to myself?! The minute I figured out that there was no resolution to The Stairs or Making of a Murder, I stopped watching. I don't need that kind of cliff hanger in my life. Also I'm finding that true crime stuff is not really my jam. Maybe it's time to pick up a book again, it's been a few weeks.
It's a roller coaster folks. I think I need some fresh air...which reminds me, I haven't taken the dog out yet this morning for a proper business stroll around the yard.
Here are some things I have learned but really already knew.
If I don't wake up before the boys then they will do something that I will most likely roll my eyes at but doesn't bother me enough to actually get up before them. Things like watching You Tube videos of other people playing video games or eating cereal out of giant bowls with no milk and no clothes.
Remember a couple of summers ago when I was waking up an hour before the house so I could read my scriptures and get ready for the day? Where is that person? I could use her help right about now, the dog needs to go out.
I did manage to finally get a chart done. I fully concede that this chart doesn't really make a huge difference in how easily, or smoothly things get accomplished. It is purely a coping mechanism for me. When I feel a shift or loss of control I seek order and organization with cute labels and probably a laminator. I've been eyeballing the pantry next...
Yesterday the girls painted for several hours. I can get behind that, except they are using up my wood from the garage. It's fine, it's all fine. I appreciate how creative and talented they all are. Yesterday was decidedly more productive than today....so far.
Jonah did his first classroom meeting today. His lovely teacher wanted them all to be able to see their friends and it was adorable. Except Jonah had a really hard time sitting still. School is out for the rest of the school year and I love that their teachers care so much that they won't see their students. I know that they worry about them and are doing everything they can to help facilitate their learning as much as they can. I am getting approximately 5,000 e mails a day for this reason and when I start to feel a tad overwhelmed by organizing all this academia, I remember that it was my choice to have so many dang kids in the first place. It's fine, it's all fine.
OK, I will probably make a to do list now just to be able to leave the office. It will include minute details like take the dog outside and breathe, just so I can recognize the number of things I do a day and why everything takes so long. Eventually I will get dressed and even make my bed.
It's fine, it's all fine.
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