Crickets.

That's what I hear.  My head is usually swirling with what's next on my list...and yet if you stopped me and asked me a specific question it would take some time before I could get a coherent answer out. Other times, there's nothing.  Not a thought.  Just quiet.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
I feel changed.  I'm not quite sure what that means but I know that changes have taken place over the last year.  Good?  Bad?  I can't really say.  Maybe it's more of an evolution.  I can't say that it has been all that pleasant, or unpleasant.  But I recognize that something is different about me.   
In any case, there has been a lot of introspective thinking going on. 
A lot of cleaning. 
A lot of not cleaning. 
A lot of kids. 
And sometimes a lot of nothing, which consequently still feels very full and busy. 
It took me 6 months to not feel so tired I just wanted to climb back in bed everyday but I am getting there.  Some days I am still just exhausted but I love my life.  I am grateful for it.  It really, truly and honestly could not be any better -  meaning things aren't perfect and we definitely have our struggles and our heartache and trial but I wouldn't trade my bag of problems for anyone else's.  I got this.
Even with all this "self-evolving" going on, we still have all the normal stuff too.  Except that my kids are getting older.  My biggest wish for the last couple of years has been to get all, and I mean ALL of our home movies onto DVD.  It is my project for 2013.  I have purchased the equipment to finally do it and it will get done (even though when I went to purchase the needed software, I was told my old video camera was indeed, very old.  Yes, thank you.  I am aware. Finding the right kind of hookups was tricky.)  I have about 4 different types of media from which to collaborate these home movies and I want it done in an orderly fashion.  It means that I have been watching a lot of home movies and reminiscing lots and lots.  The conclusion that I have come to is, my kids used to be really super cute.
I kid.  They are still really super cute.  Sometimes I worry, will I like them as much as teenagers?  I have really, REALLY liked them little.  And it's making me appreciate even more, that we are dealing with our present issues because someday I know I will long for these kinds of issues.
'sigh'
My goal for years has been to stay focused on the moment.  To live it and love it and appreciate it for what it is, because someday it will be gone.
So far, so good.
Moving on.

Hazel had a black eye.  I think 99% of all injuries incurred in our home are self inflicted.  It typically somehow involves a sibling, but ultimately they only have themselves to blame.  Hazel and Abby were arguing when Hazel somehow slammed her face against the desk.  Her story sounded totally made up, but whatcha gonna do?

One of the things that I absolutely love love love about our time here is that Clark is here.  He travels still, quite a bit, but ultimately he is here.  And I am taking full advantage.  I have never allowed myself to ask him to take so much time off before.  He helps out whenever he can to facilitate me having opportunities that I just haven't had before.  He has taken days off to go with the girls on field trips-they love it.  And last week, he took the day off so that I could accompany Haley and her class on a field trip to the National Portrait Gallery.  Haley absolutely craves one on one time with me and Clark so I was only too happy to oblige since I really wanted to visit the portrait gallery and ride on a school bus.  Oh wait, just the first thing.

It was fascinating and beautiful and amazing.  I need to go back, with the entire family, and then again by myself.

I absolutely love having kids.  There used to be a time when getting bored and needing a change meant cutting my own hair.  Now I can wake up one morning, decide that I'm bored, need a change, ask who wants their hair cut and immediately get a taker.  On this particular morning, Hazel was the only one home and so she was happy to oblige.  Her hair was getting crazy long anyway.

What?! You need an explanation?  You have no imagination at all.  Hazel was in a bad mood and refusing to come to the dinner table so I cut holes in a waffle box and she came willingly.
Do you think that will work when they are in high school?  Knowing my children, it probably will.

Jonah is a happy soul.  Even when he is grumpy, he is happy.  He just cut his first tooth this weekend.  He is cranky for all of two seconds and then happy as can be again.  I love him and cannot believe that he is already 7 months old.  I cannot resist taking pictures from behind his line of adoring fans.  He has so much positive reinforcement...it could either end really well, or really bad when they all grow up and leave the house and I am left with a sullen teenage boy who sulks because no one cheers when he poops.

He is getting close to crawling.  I am OK with the stage he is at.  I love being able to sit a baby down where they can play and be happy, without moving.

And he wore a tie.  Do I really need to say more? (besides excusing the fact that I allowed Clark to take a picture during church? tsk. tsk....it was worth it.)

I went to the temple today by myself.  It was frigid outside but it centered me and made me feel happy and content.  I am grateful for friends that made it possible.  Today was the 13 year anniversary of my first time going through the temple.  And it was this very temple.  So today was special for me.

Occasionally I still take pictures of my kids sleeping.  Because it's entertaining.

And this I just had to document because Clark knew that if he set his shorts on my sewing table, they might still be sitting there next month, along with his sweater that I said I would fix last month.  He was sewing the crotch.  So it was doubly funny.  He was sewing.  The crotch.  Crotch is a funny word.

And so is my life. 
A little fun. 
A little interesting. 
A little rough. 
A lot of happy and good.