I just got a call from a telemarketer. It is 8:55 but it feels like midnight...it also feels like I have been shoveling coal for three years. I stopped the telemarketer and told her, "you know what? It's been a long day and I am so tired right now, I can't even think hard enough to answer your question." She told me to have a good evening and said good bye, pleasantly. Really? If I had known it was that easy I would have been doing that for years. The kids are in bed....they may not be sleeping but they are in bed. It has been one of those weeks, or months, really. I am worn out. On this motherhood rope I have slid to the end and I'm hangin on. I have had so much fun with my sister Carrie here this week. Her husband was out of town and so is mine so we have sat around and cut out patterns, eaten nachos and watched maybe just a little bit of Real Housewives of New Jersey (that is, until one of them was seriously and soulfully singing "Amazing Grace" and sang "saved a wench like me"...that's when we changed it. I really just couldn't go on.) I'm glad my visitor is here to break up the stiffness of my attitude.
There are just times like these. I hope I can climb a few feet on this rope before school gets out next week or I may need a padded room....for me and the kids (separate ones might be nice.) The other day Carrie was telling me about an absolutely crazy woman whose husband took the kids, got in the car and called her from the road to tell her that he was leaving her, taking the kids and not to follow them. I know it was supposed to be an awful, horribly tragic and sad story but at the moment is sounded kinda, nice.
I guess now is where I need to reassure you all that I love my children and I am undyingly grateful to be a mother. But I am also grateful for a very active dose of sarcasm and humor that allows me to survive and even enjoy these lows on the rope. I do love them. I still think they are cute. Since I like to blame other people for my feelings I will accuse my sister this week who is so much fun that I don't like to go to bed. I need my husband to write up a mathmatical equation that illustrates how the amount of sleep I get is directly proportional to how much I like my kids the next day and how funny I think they are.
I love them. Did I already clarify that? I do. They are sweet and funny. They are just kids and I need to remember that and embrace it because I love who they are and the stage that they are at.
I have had some nice insights into parenting as of late that I would love to share when I am not quite so tired. But right now I have to scamper along. I need to sew 60 bean bags for the kindergarten party and then maybe eat some dark chocolate covered pomegranate while I wait for Carrie to get back from the train station with her husband, and my good friends who are staying the night.
Or maybe I'll just lay my head down on the desk right here for a moment or two...
There are just times like these. I hope I can climb a few feet on this rope before school gets out next week or I may need a padded room....for me and the kids (separate ones might be nice.) The other day Carrie was telling me about an absolutely crazy woman whose husband took the kids, got in the car and called her from the road to tell her that he was leaving her, taking the kids and not to follow them. I know it was supposed to be an awful, horribly tragic and sad story but at the moment is sounded kinda, nice.
I guess now is where I need to reassure you all that I love my children and I am undyingly grateful to be a mother. But I am also grateful for a very active dose of sarcasm and humor that allows me to survive and even enjoy these lows on the rope. I do love them. I still think they are cute. Since I like to blame other people for my feelings I will accuse my sister this week who is so much fun that I don't like to go to bed. I need my husband to write up a mathmatical equation that illustrates how the amount of sleep I get is directly proportional to how much I like my kids the next day and how funny I think they are.
I love them. Did I already clarify that? I do. They are sweet and funny. They are just kids and I need to remember that and embrace it because I love who they are and the stage that they are at.
I have had some nice insights into parenting as of late that I would love to share when I am not quite so tired. But right now I have to scamper along. I need to sew 60 bean bags for the kindergarten party and then maybe eat some dark chocolate covered pomegranate while I wait for Carrie to get back from the train station with her husband, and my good friends who are staying the night.
Or maybe I'll just lay my head down on the desk right here for a moment or two...
10 comments:
Lately I have simply not been doing those things that "we always do" because I am just too tired. Every year I throw a big last day of school party for the girls and their classmates. This year the thought of even getting the invitations out kinda made me wanna cry. No party this year. I always teach my Sunday School class all summer long, even though lots of teachers take it off. This summer on 6 weeks, cuz teaching all summer kinda makes me wanna cry. I always teach all week at our VBS. This year I am a Bible helper only on M, W, F cuz the thought of driving to church with all 4 kids 5 nites in a row kinda makes me wanna cry.
Start saying "No, I really can't" to some things in your life, don't feel guilty after! and then have your husband write up an equation for how much less stress you feel.
It has been so liberating for me.
Hope you get some zzzzs
My dear sweet Emily...send Clark to the store, have him pick up your favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's, turn on a strictly fluffy movie/reality TV show, eat ALL the ice-cream, have Clark carry you up to bed and go to sleep. 60 bean bags??? No. No. No. Bad. Sleep...good.
That really is a LOT of bean bags. And why are your children still in school? I shouldn't talk. I grew up in WA where they tried to stretch school until July but never quite succeeded.
And no guilt about finding yourself at the end of the rope and doing whatever you can to cope. You already deserve a dozen awards for being a part-time single mom.
And I love that you are real. I feel my blog gets very fluffy sometimes, and makes it looks like my life is like Skippy Peanut Butter, but it isn't. It is more like Adams...the kind you have to stir and refrigerate and then it tastes a little weird. I'm just saying...
So many bean bags! You are an amazing woman! I'm jealous that you're spending so much time with Carrie watching trashy TV and eating yummy food. Can't wait to hear about your week together.
Also, thanks for the trick with telemarketers (sp?). I'm using that from here on out.
Em, I hate those times. Have you read the Dr. Seuss book "Oh the Places You'll Go"? One part says something about how "unslumping yourself is not easily done". I have a hard time getting out of those slumps, and I agree, the lack of sleep definitely helps bring them on. But sometimes you just have to be irresponsible and stay up late and have fun. You'll pull out. In the mean time, put on some tassels and try to shake your blues away. wink, wink. :)
I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now! That is a lot of bean bags. Maybe you have too much on your plate right now? How about clearing your schedule and arranging for playdates for your kids at the other kids' houses this week. I guess just slog through the best you can and eventually it will get better. Good luck! I wish I were closer so I could help ease some of the stress! You did it a lot for me in VA.
Thanks for keeping it real. It's so nice to know that you are in good company sometimes when you are in the bottom of the barrel of motherhood.
In some ways summer vacation might help. I am loving not having to be any where at a certain time. I hope that's the case for you!
You are hilarious, have I told you that? I must have a least a dozen times. Your blogs make me laugh and help me feel "normal" and far less guilty for feeling exhausted, frustrated and some days not loving what I'm doing.
You've also inspired me to take more sleeping pictures of my kids!
Nothing like facing summer unprepared! I hope you climb up the rope a bit, but maybe you should just start price comparing padding for rooms.
I hate the link between sleep and grumpiness. Unfortunately my kids usually end up with less sleep when I do and the struggle is twice as bad the next day.
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