As soon as I feel like I've got it, someone grows, someone changes, things happen, life goes on and I am left leafing through the index of my parenting books with a confused look on my face and a door slamming in the background. FOR THE LOVE children! Just stop evolving/growing/maturing/im-maturing/developing long enough for me to revel in the satisfaction of having the parenting thing all figured out for a few seconds. These kids are like a mutating species.
We have hit a new stage for a couple of them, a new situation, an ever present set of tasks at hand. I realize, of course that all of this equals what we like to call "life" but some days I find myself wishing for the powers of Evie to pause everything, just to catch my breath and pat myself on the back.
This is where today's little situation landed us. Her room has been de-doorknobbed. I have to admit, that in all my patient cool headedness during the "situation" there was a moment where I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get the doorknob off (who has a screwdriver that can go at that kind of angle, I ask you.) I was quite concerned at the "parenting backfire". But all went swimmingly, I walked away with her doorknob in hand and then had the added satisfaction when she came to the regretful realization that when she slammed her door this time, she was locking herself in without knowing how to engage the latch thingy through the doorknob hole to get herself back out. "Hm, you should have thought of that before you tried to shut me out, again."
The parenting book I just finished gets one and a half stars. It would have been awesome if all of my children were "people pleasers" who respond the way he implies all children respond. It was also as if he wasn't operating on any sort of actual behavioral science, just his own opinions. I kept thinking, "well, that doesn't sound right...that's not what I learned in Disciplining the Difficult Child 101". He had good points here and there and as always, we acquire, we learn, we adapt and we implement what we feel is right for our children. I am just constantly amazed at all the change. It's hard to keep up. But as long as I can keep perspective and a cool head about me, it's like a game, a challenge, a mystery. It requires shaking things up from time to time. Sometimes all it takes it us trying something new. We do it for a while and move on to another method, all the while keeping our eye on those most important goals...which should be raising good, responsible, moral children...but sometimes it's just, get-through-the-day-and-still-like-them-at-the-end.
16 comments:
I hear you! I spent an evening last week with a box of garbage sacks emptying every worldly possession out of my daughter's room ("You don't want to mention a lost school book for a month, I'll make it easy to make sure it isn't in your room.") I think it made a difference, but I guess only time will tell.
I love drastic measures--leaves their jaws dropped a little. Recommend a good parenting book.
I am so impressed at your diligence. I would probably just scream at my kid and behave worse than they do. Kudos for working hard to find a solution, albeit temporary, for the latest phase. Maybe I'll be a mature mom like you one day.
oh yes. So true, every word! I have a child that is very difficult for me, and I am always trying to figure out what will work. Still trying, and trying to figure it out. I hope I am not ruining him somedays, but we just keep plodding along don't we?
Wait... so now you lock her door from the outside? Or did you get a new knob completely? Whatever you rigged up I would love hear how she has reacted to it all.
I actually took the knob off on Friday so she got it back yesterday. We'll see if she remembers what got it taken away in the first place. I was tempted to put it back on backwards so I could lock her in but decided that probably was against some kind of fire code.
Cubby's lock is on the outside.
Boo keeps pointing to Hazel in this picture and of course, saying "eh?" It's almost like she kows she's missing out on a big girl party somewhere...
I'm glad to know that good, smart parents like you say it's always changing too. I'm not crazy, and good to know we're not the only parents who mess with hardware to "reach" our children. James took off his door once--without a word. It shocked and appaulled the little boy who had been banging on it for an hour...but it worked. He suddenly really wanted that door back.
You make me feel sane. I just put those plastic knob things on the outside of my door so I can hide in my room when I need a moment-in order to not blow it.
I have no idea what you're talking about. My children are perfect angels. And I know first hand that your girls are angelic, too. You're crazy.
kids are the best aren't they...at driving us crazy! i love mine to pieces, but some days they're a little more challenging than others! i love the drastic measures...good for you! btw, dillon's lock is on the outside. it's the only way i can keep him in any sort of time-out! (i just made sure i hid a key in his room in case he decided to lock ME in there!)
I'm pretty sure that in a few years I will be flying out your way every few months to get some parenting advice and some time away from my children. Mine haven't been too bad lately if you ignore that my oldest actually stole my new wedding ring off the counter and hid it because she was mad at me. I thought I had misplaced it and was going crazy searching the bathroom.
She is lucky that I was more relieved than angry when she fessed-up.
Little mutants indeed! Thank goodness for loving hugs and kisses.
We have recently been through the same "change". Why can't this just be easy?! Is that really asking too much? :)
Oh come on, just look at those four sweet innocent faces. How much trouble could they be? You must be exaggerating....or not. Heh, heh, little mutants.
I've had some similar experiences this week. Back to the parenting handbooks I go!
That picture -- I'm sure you're making all of this up. They are MUCH too sweet to give you any trouble!
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