I have decided that if I can't come up with more meaty posts anytime soon, I might just have to switch to Facebook and keep you all updated with one liners. Except that I don't really know all that much about Facebook, and really do I need another thing to keep me from doing laundry? The answer is no, I don't.The truth of the matter is I have an incredible "to do" list right now. My brain has had little room for creativity-I'm all pragmatic this week. I had checked off the majority of the list when I found I had several things to add today, therefore I had transfer the incomplete ones over to the new list, all fresh and tidy. And I am simultaneously reading a book about how to "Have a New Kid By Friday" except that he really suggests doing a step each day that starts with Monday and seeing as how it is only Thursday I really can't start it until after the weekend because that would throw off my whole Type A/OCD thing....it would also be compromised by the fact that I totally forgot about Wednesday this week and have felt one day ahead for days...not ahead of my "to do" list, mind you, more like allowing entire days to be sucked into a vortex of time and distraction. Little kid hands in toilets does this to me. So do excessive amounts of dirty socks on the floor, little girls up way past bedtimes and cold cereal for dinner.
I am going to write my own parenting book one day. I totally have the idea all mapped out, I just won't have the time to do it until my kids stop sticking their hands in the toilet. But I had better get on it quick because my two other inventions have been patented by other people. Now how am I supposed make my millions? And don't even ask because I won't tell you my brilliant ideas...I did that once and seriously regretted it in my petty little mind afterward.
Anyway, the goal was to be in bed before tomorrow but seeing as how I have already missed that opportunity, I will add something to my to do list that I have already completed just to feel the satisfaction of checking it off. Sometimes that is necessary for someone who loves making lists as much as I do. Oh, I know.
-Wash potty water off daughter's hands 20 times. Check.
15 comments:
he heee:) this made me laugh. my, how I adore you.
I'm having the same blasted potty issue. It has started to make me see red every time. Like an actual physical reaction. Two days ago I caught her eating toilet paper that some pooper had not flushed down. I just about lost it. picked her up and went screaming through the house.
Guess what?! I picked up my first (in a long time, at least) parenting book at the library this week. It's called "Is This Really a Phase?" Unfortunately for me, the advice is not coupled with any humor. Therefore making it rather dry. However, when my son turned from angelic to satanic minion overnight, I simply had to think of something to make me feel better.
Is there an opening in the circus for me?
oooh, I have a parenting book mapped out, too. I've got ideas! Maybe you can get Scoresby to write the forward:)
You made me laugh too! I guess it's easier to laugh when you're not the one interrupted all day washing potty hands. I wish I could come help you check some things off your list and let you add some fun things like "do nothing for 2 hours all by myself." If you're in the circus, I will bring my kids to see you and we will cheer wildly. Will you get to have a sparkly rhinestone headpiece? Your girls may be stunned into obedience if they saw you in that! Maybe that's a chapter in your parenting book, so I won't tell anyone :)
That book might just be teasing you. I once read a book about getting your child to sleep through the night and all it told me was that I should let the child cry until they fall asleep. Brilliant? Not really. That was what I was trying to avoid in the first place!
I am intrigued at your parenting book though. I'm sure you have a chapter about "How to have photogenic children" cause yours are perfect!
You're great, Emily! Very funny post! My No. 1 was having serious attitude issues the other night and he yelled that I was a meanie as he stalked to time-out and slammed the door in my face. That was my last straw. I barreled into his time-out and growled, "I'll show you "Meanie!" and pinched him hard on the thigh (which, I must justify, is my alternative to spanking and rarely used). After a long time in time-out he was considerably meeker and we kissed and made-up, etc, etc. Still, the older they get the more attitude they acquire. If your parenting book has any helpful ideas, let me know! I'm sure pinching ain't it.
Wait, I thought this WAS your parenting book...
Sometimes scaring your children works really well--like when Cubby kept telling James, FINE! TAKE MY BED AWAY--I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP IN IT--so James marched in silently and overturned the matress, cute space sheets and all. It stunned the boy into submission, and he went to bed like a mute angel after that. It's good to have a brute on the parenting side sometimes.
I love lists too, and pften have to empty my head onto paper before bed at night. In front of me right now is a grocery list for Monday...I need a project. Can I come keep H out of the toilet? She and Boo and have each other and their grubby little hands...
Um, yeah, when are you going to blog about how you call famous psychologists to chat?
I was going to write a parenting book once but then my kids all grew up and now I can't remember a single thing. Kids do that to your brain, you know. What was the question? Oh yeah, try crying when they sass you. It works every time. No child can stand to see their parent cry.
Unfortunately my children have seen me cry too often...that also is what having children does to you...you get hardened by things like your child hysterically crying for the chance to stay up late and so soft you cry at commercials.
I guess it is not a good thing that Sadie is 'Sassy Sadie'. I do admit that sometimes I encouraged it to invoke the 10 or 15 minute no talking consequence. Love you!
Where do I start?
First of all, I've heard that the toilet is cleaner than the floor. That is of course if it's flushed (that's the all too common state around here).
Second, you have just the right humor, knowledge, and experience to write a book. Will you autograph my copy?
Thirdly, the sass. I have my own little sasser and I only know what works for her, sometimes, when the weather's right. You're a good mother - she's lucky to have you.
And fourthly, keep blogging. Please keep blogging.
I hope the book works. I'll know if I see any new kids on the pew on Sunday.
Also, at least your baby isn't playing in toilets where little boys have gone, that would be even more disgusting, trust me.
Lastly, there is nothing wrong with keeping me entertained in the blogosphere and face book. I promise.
Read this and laughed right out loud this morning. That is a good thing because I woke up with a sore throat and possibly the beginnings of pink eye. Coupled with the fact that I am supposed to be getting four kids ready to go sit in stake conference for two hours, I needed a little humor in my life.
I promise while I read your posts that I will NEVER think, 'get to the point funny girl.'
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I read your blog all the time and think you are hilarious. Please don't stop.
I cannot tell you how much I needed this today. There are times I think my child is the only one that could possibly be THAT rude to her mother. I keep telling my husband that I'm sure our relationship is doomed. She's only 4. Let's just say I was so grateful last night for Heavenly Father sending me a 2nd boy for our 3rd child instead of a girl.
Thanks for making me laugh and know that I'm not the only one dealing with a sassy.
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