I lay alert and panicky in the ultra violet casket.
The glow of the lamps permeate my eyelids and little sparkly purple mini goggles.
I can't breathe.
I feel warm.
Country music?
I tell myself again and again, "it's just so I won't burn...its for my own good, really."
I'm trapped.
I emerge and redress.
I feel as though I have just intentionally smoked an entire pack of unfiltered cigarettes.
The paperwork. "Do you have a family history of skin cancer". I check yes.
"Do you have a history of skin cancer". I can't find the box for "not yet."
The woman behind the counter even judges me and she has just come in from her 11th smoking break of the day. The color of her skin resembles my doc martins from high school.
I tell myself just this week won't hurt. I might as well be setting money aside in a cancer treatment payment plan. Please Mom and Dad, don't shake your head in disappointment. I know, I am unwise. I don't want the Costa Ricans to laugh. They will point and call me the most gringo-est they've ever seen. I am pale. I am ashamed.
But I will go again and then perhaps again. And then it will be done.
18 comments:
You're writing is just so funny. It's always a treat to find your page and another entry. About the tanning, would you rather die looking beautifully bronze or live your life white as a ghost like me? I'm always afraid that some unseen mole on the top of my head will get me and then all my spf efforts won't mean a thing.
Oh my gosh! Your whole post is so true! I felt the same way all summer at the pool. They just don't make natural-enough-looking bronzers. I've even considered going to a spa where they spray paint you. Sigh. People with beautiful ethnically darker skin are so lucky!
you just have to embrace your paleness. Matt, my hubby, is as pale as they come. He has been a swimmer all his life. His first nickname was always bulldog, but a close second was "powder". He was always easy for me to spot in the pool. I would go to pick him up, and sometimes catch the end of a workout. I could always find him in two seconds flat. He never cared. So why do we?(women that is) But,at least I don't feel out of sorts when we both go swimming!
Emily...you must be spanked. And then you must go to Costa Rica and wear sun screen. I can't lecture because I've certainly done my enormous share of keeping the tanning salons in business but I will spank you if I must.
And take me with you.
I justify it by the fact that this is only my second "event" to plan for. I will most definitely wear sunscreen anyway...and the second time I went this weekend I fell asleep twice in only ten minutes.
That was me Emily, not Clark--just for the record, this is his first time....yes, he is going with me (does that make him metro sexual or just vain like me?)
I support you in your decision to simply prepare your skin for the extreme sunshine...then again, I'm already mentally preparing myself to raise your children when your zipline in the jungle breaks...you don't mind if we raise the kids Catholic, do you?
when do you go? i've never been to a tanning salon...i'm a whitey.
sinners
i have been guilty of tanning. not for a long long time, but i have gone. and i would go again. and costa rica? i'm jealous!
I'm a BIG fan of tanning (I know, you're shocked). In fact, I found out I was pregnant IN a tanning booth when the spirit told me to leave because I was with child...ha ha. Just wear the goggles, use sunscreen wisely and always protect your face with like SPF50! I think it's relaxing and wonderful. All by yourself in a pod of warmth, it's like being back in the womb...OK, maybe not, but it feels good. And don't worry about the Costa Ricans, when I was there I was surprised by how light skinned they are themselves, plus they are mellow, they don't judge. Have fun, I'm jealous.
Yep, I've been found guilty of the tanning sin!! I love that quiet peace, no kids around, but always my fear of cancer keeps me away (well, since having kids). I'm jealous of your Costa Rico trip. Not sure it's a good enough excuse to not run in the 5k. lol!!
I just told Rob yesterday that I need to go tanning because I am so pale. And NOT the Nicole Kidman kind of peaches and cream" pale...but the "I didn't wear a swimsuit at all last summer and my legs havne't seen natural light since September" kind of pale.
I tried the self tanning lotion, but I was streaky and had to scrub my legs so I could wear a skirt on Sunday and not be embarressed.
I can honestly admit the only real tan I ever earned was out picking beans in a farmer's field one summer-- I was the brownest I have ever been-- but it was an EXTREME farmer's tan. My mom and sister have gone to the booth and used those cute little stickers so they have a heart or a dolphin on their cheeks, or uh legs...have I said too much? Yes, mom has had skin cancer removed and I never will have the gut to get in a tanning bed. Have fun in Costa Rica!! That would be awesome.
I have nothing to say. I won't even say "I told you so" when you call to tell me the bad news in ten years.....sigh.
Hey try the spray on tan thing. There are tanning centers that have those. of course it washes off in the pounding waves of the ocean but I felt good about my tan in Hawaii till then at least. and no cancer. And I have had a skin cancer on my neck removed. You don't want that niece of mine....but have fun in costa rica
did i ever tell you about ms.non-filter-camels? i should... you should stop smoking....
Hilarious post! I get a kick out of all the terrible things we do to our bodies knowing full well the consequences. It doesn't stop me from eating a huge bowl of ice cream every night.
I hate to break it to you, but Costa Ricans are about the nicest people on the planet and wouldn't laugh at you if you showed up glowing blue from sun deprivation. I'm sure they'll appreciate your effort to fit in though :)
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